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6 AM

by Bobo 

Posted: 02 October 2003
Word Count: 30


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The chill air of daybreak
cloaks my skin.
So unaccustomed am I
to its cool fresh breath.
Full silence permeates
my unattuned ears,
an overture of nature
for the early-riser.






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Comments by other Members



olebut at 09:35 on 02 October 2003  Report this post
Bobo

again anice emotive and gentle description of waking and early morning, one small suggestion would line 3 read better if you change ditto

(i) unaccustomed as I am (/i)

<Added>

sorry that should read changed it to

Bobo at 14:19 on 02 October 2003  Report this post
Thanks, yes; you're right...it does read better that way - the early rising obviously didn't agree with me!

BoBo
x

Fearless at 21:49 on 02 October 2003  Report this post
When you're caressed by the mist, you know you're alive

F

Bobo at 21:51 on 02 October 2003  Report this post
I felt half-dead if I'm honest!

B

Fearless at 21:51 on 02 October 2003  Report this post
Half alive then?

F

Bobo at 21:52 on 02 October 2003  Report this post
...at a push!

Fearless at 21:53 on 02 October 2003  Report this post
No....not so much a push....more a pulling sensation....

F

Bobo at 21:55 on 02 October 2003  Report this post
...I liked push...

Fearless at 21:58 on 02 October 2003  Report this post
..you're welcome to keep it matey. I prefer to be drawn into my dawn.....never pushed

roovacrag at 20:10 on 04 October 2003  Report this post
As a morning person, i feel this everyday.
Dawn chorus is great. xx

Bobo at 16:54 on 05 October 2003  Report this post
I don't do it often enough - but you're right, it's great. Without meaning to sound too crass, it makes you feel more at one with the world.

BoBo
x

Ticonderoga at 23:38 on 05 October 2003  Report this post

Please keep your original line-reading: you're not writing about public speaking! This might (?) amuse you -



DAWN

Four times it tempted me,
Four times it tricked me.


I wished it to be other,
I wished it to be you
calling, beckoning, importuning,
parting the broth of night
with the silver where of your voice.


But it was only a cold bird of morning,
calling for the comfort of its mate,
from a branch suddenly too empty,
in the silvered zero of dawn.


So I slept again, and dreamt it real.





Wrote that years ago. Reading yours triggered a memory. Thanks. Think I'll post it now! Yours is excellent.

Best,

Mike







peterxbrown at 00:08 on 11 October 2003  Report this post
You have captured the new day superbly but despite your beguiling imagery I think of you as a late sleeper rather than an early riser! We night people must stick together and enjoy dawn on our way home! Seriously though, its a great piece of work.
love peterb

John G.Hall at 10:43 on 12 November 2003  Report this post
This is a lovely poem, sounds like your body wrote this. The closeness of sensations is a difficult topic, but you have a beautiful light touch here.


John G.Hall


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