|
|
 |
6 AM
Posted: 02 October 2003
Word Count: 30
|
Font Size
|
|
The chill air of daybreak
cloaks my skin.
So unaccustomed am I
to its cool fresh breath.
Full silence permeates
my unattuned ears,
an overture of nature
for the early-riser.
|
Comments by other Members
| |
 olebut at 09:35 on 02 October 2003
 Report this post
|
Bobo
again anice emotive and gentle description of waking and early morning, one small suggestion would line 3 read better if you change ditto
(i) unaccustomed as I am (/i)
<Added>
sorry that should read changed it to
| |
Bobo at 14:19 on 02 October 2003
Report this post
|
Thanks, yes; you're right...it does read better that way - the early rising obviously didn't agree with me!
BoBo
x
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Fearless at 21:58 on 02 October 2003
Report this post
|
..you're welcome to keep it matey. I prefer to be drawn into my dawn.....never pushed
| |
|
|
Bobo at 16:54 on 05 October 2003
Report this post
|
I don't do it often enough - but you're right, it's great. Without meaning to sound too crass, it makes you feel more at one with the world.
BoBo
x
| |
Ticonderoga at 23:38 on 05 October 2003
Report this post
|
Please keep your original line-reading: you're not writing about public speaking! This might (?) amuse you -
DAWN
Four times it tempted me,
Four times it tricked me.
I wished it to be other,
I wished it to be you
calling, beckoning, importuning,
parting the broth of night
with the silver where of your voice.
But it was only a cold bird of morning,
calling for the comfort of its mate,
from a branch suddenly too empty,
in the silvered zero of dawn.
So I slept again, and dreamt it real.
Wrote that years ago. Reading yours triggered a memory. Thanks. Think I'll post it now! Yours is excellent.
Best,
Mike
| |
peterxbrown at 00:08 on 11 October 2003
Report this post
|
You have captured the new day superbly but despite your beguiling imagery I think of you as a late sleeper rather than an early riser! We night people must stick together and enjoy dawn on our way home! Seriously though, its a great piece of work.
love peterb
| |
 John G.Hall at 10:43 on 12 November 2003
Report this post
|
This is a lovely poem, sounds like your body wrote this. The closeness of sensations is a difficult topic, but you have a beautiful light touch here.
John G.Hall
| |
| |
Comments by other Members
