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Caged

by Bobo 

Posted: 01 October 2003
Word Count: 80
Summary: About a good friend of mine.


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Your future is denied you
as the impenetrable cage
that is the past stands in your way.
The bars, your own cruel construct
Built from fear,
loathing and pain.
You glimpse the possibility
of what happiness may be -
beyond reach, ever parodying your isolation -
it is as a cruel illusion,
a mirage in a sad and lonely desert.
Yet if you stretch out,
dispel the fear of betrayal,
that future can be yours.
Let life again be yours.






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Comments by other Members



Ioannou at 07:58 on 02 October 2003  Report this post
I get this. The idea. The words are somehow very heavy though. I'm not sure. Love, Maria.

Bobo at 14:21 on 02 October 2003  Report this post
Hi Maria - I know what you mean - think I'll take a break from it and then cast my eye over it again later, see if I can improve it!

BoBo
x

peterxbrown at 00:22 on 11 October 2003  Report this post
I think this is a very powerful poem and the heaviness (although I would describe it as weighty or thoughtful rather than heavy which has a puddeny conotation!) seems to match the intended tone. Perhaps the "Yet if you strech out......" line could be extented, lengthened by about nine syllables perhaps to mirror the image and reach the summit (or depth of the darker words)before the uplifting final three lines which have a lighter upbeat tone.
I wish someone had written such a great poem for me! Only a true friend could empathise so deeply and effectively.


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