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Ring of Conscience

by dadzie 

Posted: 20 June 2007
Word Count: 1250
Summary: Just finished my second novel, 'Ring of Conscience' - so far I am extremely happy with it but trying to put together a two-page synopsis was extremely difficult. I would appreciate any comments.


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RING OF CONSCIENCE – BRIEF SYNOPSIS

Author: Glenn Wilson Genre: Mystery Thriller Words: 80,000

The Ring of Conscience is an intelligent thriller following two detectives on the trail of a secret legacy held deep within the vaults of Las Vegas while solving the mystery of a suspicious suicide.

Professor Jason Chadwick was a legend. He graduated from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and had helped develop the World Wide Web and even coined the term, ‘Information Super Highway’. He was born in Las Vegas, son of the Donald Chadwick, owner and developer of Casino Security Systems. The Chadwick family moved to England after Donald’s retirement but both Jason’s parents were killed in a car accident within a year of moving. Jason stayed in England and worked as a college lecturer while helping major Internet companies like Google and Myspace develop their technologies. In the spring of 2007, Jason commits suicide.

Ring of Conscience opens with Jason’s Personal Assistant, Amy Pearce sitting in a café in London’s Regent Street. Amy suspects a man that she recognises from an incident prior to the professor’s death is stalking her. Amy senses that she is in danger and attempts to leave the café via a fire exit door downstairs. She is chased and a waiter is killed trying to protect her. Amy escapes and explains to the police that she believes this man may have had something to do with Jason Chadwick’s death.

Jason had two sons that lived in Boston, he had not seen them throughout their childhood years as his ex-wife refused access but they had been in touch in recent years. Jason did not trust them however as they only appeared to be after his money. A series of investigations into his son’s debtors revealed a link to a mafia-style crime organisation in Las Vegas. Jason’s father had helped to bring the family (The Hammond Organisation) down and they all served time for their part in a multi-million dollar fraud of the casinos. Jason had become suspicious and worried. In Jason’s will he left a mere hundred thousand dollars for his sons. The rest of his estate, unbeknown to anybody else had been put into a vault, with a complicated code system – a security feature that had been invented by his father.

Amy had not been left money in Jason’s will, merely a gold cygnet ring with a motif on it. It looked like the letter M in a semi-quaver. Apparently Jason referred to it as his ‘Ring of Conscience’. The ring was made up as a personal talisman.

Meanwhile Jason’s solicitor is missing. He had left a note and some money for Amy warning her that she was in danger. Inspectors Thomas Riley and Lucy Bridges from Charing Cross police station were put on the case and had uncovered in Jason’s will a personal letter to his solicitor whereby he asks him to maintain a website called Melodema.com. The web page is blank with the exception of a password box. Inspector Riley eventually uncovers, in his own time, a steganographic clue, to the password, which opened a new web page detailing a treasure hunt – a series of online puzzles, and clues to enable a person to find his legacy. Jason claimed that to know him would be to understand him and the simple things in life that gave him pleasure.

Thomas Riley and Lucy Bridges had been working together for nearly two years and their fondness for each other was becoming more intense. A night of passion had complicated things further and as interdepartmental relationships were prohibited there were serious repercussions. Thomas was also becoming disillusioned with the police force and following another argument with his boss he decides to make an attempt to claim the Professor’s legacy himself, with Lucy’s help.

Ring of Conscience then follows the two Inspectors attempting to uncover the clues, which, through investigations using the Internet, explore Jason’s passion for Greek mythology, modern myths and architectural mysteries. During their search however, there is a knock on the door and a gunman holds them hostage under orders from a criminal organisation based in Boston. Amy Pearce has already been tricked into flying to Boston to meet a friend of Jason Chadwick and is held in a manor, believing that she is helping the FBI. The Inspectors are convinced that Amy is in danger and agree to help the organisation uncover Jason’s legacy in return for Amy’s release.

Jason’s Chadwick’s solicitor meanwhile travels to Las Vegas and speaks with the then mayor, who claims that she was blackmailed at the time by the Hammond organisation and gives him details of the family’s release and relocation to Boston. He flies to Boston and manages to track down the manor in his own private investigation. He warns Amy that she is in danger, but as he attempts to leave the property to inform the police in England, the Hammond brothers catch him. In the ruckus that follows the solicitor is killed. The family’s weak link, Nathan Hammond is responsible and their perfectly executed plan is thrown into turmoil. At this point, the pressure is on. The inspectors realise that the clues are leading them towards Las Vegas. The Hammond brothers make a deal with the Inspectors to release Amy while they all fly to Las Vegas to solve the remaining clues together in return for a split of Jason’s legacy.

Action moves to Las Vegas and all is well for the first day, then Stock Hammond, the mastermind of the original Hammond fraud is released from Jail just as news starts to break of a body being found off the coast of Boston, believed to be of the missing solicitor from England. The Inspectors suddenly realise that this criminal organisation were just thugs and not the well-organised professionals that they had believed them to be. They attempt to leave Las Vegas but are spotted and the resulting attempt to escape through the streets of Las Vegas is futile. They lose the chase and are in deep trouble now especially as Stock Hammond’s is becoming increasingly volatile.

Eventually, Lucy Bridges uncovers the last clue just in time, she hopes, to save Thomas’s life. They open the vault in the basement of Excalibur Hotel to find that the money – over ninety million dollars, is missing. Amy Pearce and Jason’s friend Emmanuelle had managed to solve the clues together following a tip off from Lucy a few days earlier. Now Lucy realises what she has done. The Hammond family clear off out of Las Vegas just as the FBI move in but Thomas Riley was shot and desperately fights for his life as the frantic search continues for the Hammond brothers.

The book ends with the truth being uncovered about Jason’s death and it ties in with his parent’s fatal accident ten years earlier. The Hammond family were behind it and they are eventually caught, but the ringmaster, the brains behind the whole project, is still at large – and still wants his money. It provides a worrying twist after Amy Pearce shares her windfall with Lucy Bridges and her new husband Thomas Riley, who is making a steady recovery following his shooting in Las Vegas. The Melodema Stone, at the base of the external wall to the Vatican City in Rome is where Amy and her new partner Emmanuelle, Jason’s childhood friend, decide to honour him, the initial clue being the Melodema symbol on Jason’s ‘Ring of Conscience’.






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Comments by other Members



Cornelia at 19:13 on 20 June 2007  Report this post
an intelligent thriller



Professor Jason Chadwick was a legend.



Jason had two sons that lived in Boston

as his ex-wife refused access


Ring of Conscience then follows the

Amy Pearce and Jason’s friend Emmanuelle had managed to solve the clues together following a tip off from Lucy a few days earlier.

The book ends with the truth being uncovered about Jason’s death

and they are eventually caught

but the ringmaster, the brains behind the whole project, is still at large – and still wants his money.

the initial clue being the Melodema symbol on Jason’s ‘Ring of Conscience’.



<Added>

Sorry, I was just adding quotation marks to the points I meant to comment on and the whole thing posted itself. Well, I must have pressed something. I'll copy and start again when I have more time.

I think this sounds an intriguing story and should interest a publisher as it seems in the line of recent bestsellers with mysterious codings.

I will comment on the points highlighted later, but I would say it needs to be written in the present tense and if you say something about the past we need to know how the information is conveyed - maybe, for instance, an obituary tells us about Jason's achievements before his death.

Good luck, and sorry about the mistake - I was just going to leave the points and come back to them later.

Sheila







Dee at 08:04 on 21 June 2007  Report this post
Glenn, the good news is this is a very clearly written synopsis. The bad news is, it’s way way too long. (I can hear you yelling at me already!)

What you have here is a working outline – it’s a blow by blow account of everything that happens. It also contains too much superfluous detail… for instance: there is a knock on the door.

Also your tenses are slipping a bit. Keep it in present tense, and use more active sentences. An example:

Thomas Riley and Lucy Bridges had been working together for nearly two years and their fondness for each other was becoming more intense. A night of passion had complicated things further and as interdepartmental relationships were prohibited there were serious repercussions.

Thomas and Lucy have a personal relationship which is frowned on within their department.
(are you sure personal relationships can actually be prohibited? You don’t need to answer this – just be aware that I'm probably not the only person who will ask the question if you leave this in)

Thomas was also becoming disillusioned with the police force and following another argument with his boss he decides to make an attempt to claim the Professor’s legacy himself, with Lucy’s help.

Thomas leaves the police force and attempts to claim the professor’s legacy for himself.

I know how difficult this all feels at the moment. My original synopsis for TWH was 1400 words and I refused to accept it could be any shorter. After god knows how many attempts, it’s now around 500, and much easier to read.

All you have to do is look at each paragraph of this synopsis and isolate the bare essentials… easy to say, I know.

Hope this helps

Dee


dadzie at 08:39 on 21 June 2007  Report this post
Thank you Dee (and Shiela) much appreciated. I can see the problem with tense. I struggled with this because Jason Chadwick is dead before the book begins. Chapter one starts about four weeks after his apparent suicide. I understand what you are saying about the synopsis. The original was around 1800 words so this is already a hugely scaled down version. I personally found the synopsis harder to write than the book. I will try and scale this further.

Ah yes, the first line Shiela I didn't want to call the book an intellectual thriller because I do not think it goes that far but, for fear of crossing genres I didn't want to put 'adventure/thriller' The book sits somewhere between Dan Brown's 'The Da Vinci Code' and Wilbur Smith's 'The Seventh Scroll' and yet written very much in the style of James Patterson's Alex Cross series. I felt that simply saying it was a 'thriller' was too ambiguous. I would welcome suggestions here actually.

GLENN

Cornelia at 08:45 on 21 June 2007  Report this post
I won't say anymore about the nitty bits, as Dee as already given you plenty to work on and perhaps that's quite enough for now. I know how diffcult these things are, so perhaps it's best to fix one thing at a time.

Good luck with the re-write and I look forward to reading it.

Sheila

dadzie at 16:35 on 26 June 2007  Report this post
I have attempted a revision of the synopsis, it is about as short as I can make it now without losing sections of the storyline. Would I just copy and paste into this reply box or would I have to use the 'upload my work' tool for a new thread?


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