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Carpet

by hailfabio 

Posted: 19 June 2007
Word Count: 13
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Could almost see her eyes
apologising, as she walked over
the soft, tenderness.






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Account Closed at 15:07 on 19 June 2007  Report this post
Very alluring indeed! Though I did wonder about the "ing" words - I had a play with it myself and came up with:

Could see her eyes
apologising, as she walked over
the softness. Tender.


But I'm just fiddling, and it's up to you! It's certainly made me think.

:))

A
xxx
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joanie at 20:18 on 19 June 2007  Report this post
Hi Stephen, I agree with Holly - very thought-provoking, as always, but perhaps a bit of tweaking would make it even better!

joanie
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hailfabio at 12:25 on 21 June 2007  Report this post
Thanks for commenting, the thought of using a carpet as a relationship image really appealed to me. I see what you mean about the last bit. What do you make of the edit?

Stephen
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