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Poison
Posted: 30 September 2003
Word Count: 22
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Bite me,
you'll fall,
so pained,
and die.
Lick me,
you'll choke,
alone,
and I
will go on
and on
and on.
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Comments by other Members
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 Fearless at 16:26 on 30 September 2003
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Your poem could have been:
Bite me
Experience sweetness
Lick me
Caress my sugary goodness
I go on
Wait and see
Sorry, unless there's a hazchem sign, no dice on being poisonous.
F
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Bobo at 16:28 on 30 September 2003
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Don't be so dismissive Fearless - these are my feelings, whether I'm truly poisonous or not!
BoBo
:0(
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Fearless at 16:30 on 30 September 2003
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Sorry, but you're not poisonous. You're not the darkness either.
Fearless x
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Bobo at 16:31 on 30 September 2003
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That's not the point...this is how I FEEL, whether justified or not.
B
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The Walrus at 18:10 on 30 September 2003
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As self-appointed, most presumptuous referee, I suggest a policy of suck and see.
Handbags at dawn. Don't be late.
The Walrus
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olebut at 20:22 on 30 September 2003
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Lisa
as you know I have only recently had the beauty and emotion of the short poem brought home to me as a result of being on this site and thus being encouraged to write some of my own I guess I am somewhat of a traditionalist at heart,
I like the raw emotion of your poem whilst it has a viscous hate it also has to me at least, a degree of pathos.
It never ceases to amaze me how anybody myself included can keep writing poetry and exposing emotions in so many different beautiful and effective ways
thank you for sharing this poem
take care
david
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Bobo at 10:35 on 01 October 2003
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Thanks David - sometimes fewer words work better as conveying deep feeling, the rawness. I feel a bit self-indulgent writing this kind of piece...BUT it's also therapeutic, I guess.
Walrus - 'suck it and see'...??? I don't do handbags...
BoBo
x
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Bobo at 22:09 on 01 October 2003
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Actually I've loved a lot, probably too much, but I go through life feeling as though my very presence is enough to ensure things get well-and-truly messed up! Though you might not know it from my writing I'm an incurable romantic.
BoBo
x
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Tina at 13:56 on 04 October 2003
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Bobo
I have a poem similar to this
I know the feelings
SO VERY VERY IMPORTANT to just tell it like it is for you - just keep on.
with love
Tina
x
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