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Corporate
Posted: 22 May 2007
Word Count: 35
Summary: Selfish gut reaction to something.... I might well delete in the light of day!
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Desperate
you cling to
dreams of tidy
timetables with
hourly checks
and boxes ticked
then sent in
triplicate.
Reality
is far too
close. Exhaustion
claims its victim
led by good
intentions to
the ultimate
depression
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Comments by other Members
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 Elsie at 22:34 on 22 May 2007
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Short, staccato, lots of internal sounds - checks, ticks, triplicate, victim, reality (wish I knew the right terms to describe the sounds) It's almost the i-i-i-i that makes me think of the scary bit of music in the Hitchcock shower scene... Interestingly, one softer word in stanza 1 - dreams. Very nicely done.
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 V`yonne at 16:18 on 23 May 2007
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You can sleep after that? Good one. Liked it v much. I don't think I'll ever be a victim of obsession. Can never find the list!
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 James Graham at 15:31 on 27 May 2007
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The sounds in stanza 1 are very effective, as Elsie says. I wouldn't have thought of the Psycho music, but I can hear it now.
The form works quite well too - the clipped lines, especially in the second half, give an impression of the speaker being almost too exhausted to get the words out. 'Exhaustion'...deep, rasping breath...'claims its victim'...gasp...
After the last line of 'Vegging' the speaker falls happily asleep. After this grim monologue, she collapses with exhaustion!
James.
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 joanie at 19:09 on 27 May 2007
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Thank you, James; much appreciated, as always! How clever of you to refer to another of my poems!
I do love your responses.
joanie
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