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New-born

by joanie 

Posted: 17 May 2007
Word Count: 54
Summary: Just a series of observations...


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precious finger nails formed in secret
flail ecstatically, spider-web

silken features crumple, tearing
once solid hearts from their roots

searching lips find a knuckle
which serves its purpose for a while

buttons strain at the breaking threads
while capers are preserved in salt and

green tomato chutney sits in
grandeur on the dust-collecting table






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Comments by other Members



Elsie at 22:02 on 17 May 2007  Report this post
Hello. This is lovely, it took me a little while to understand - I understood lines 1 & 2 instantly, 3 & 4 are still puzzling, and the rest fell into place. I think 3 & 4 are me being too tired to think properly - but I think the whole thing together is wonderful. (For me it was jelly snakes...)









joanie at 22:32 on 17 May 2007  Report this post
Thanks so much, Elsie. Lines 3 and 4 refer to that gorgeous baby-soft skin which distorts with that heart-wrenching crying and destroys those close relatives who think they are so strong!

Glad you enjoyed it.

Joan

Elsie at 09:55 on 18 May 2007  Report this post
Joanie - I was so tired last night that although I had read the title, I promptly forgot I had - then felt pleased with myself for working out what it was about. Duh! (At least you know it works even without the title!) I see the lines 3 & 4 now, perhaps a comma after crumple might make absolutely bleeding obvious for the likes of tired people like me ;)

joanie at 12:39 on 18 May 2007  Report this post
Thanks Elsie. I've tried the comma!

Joan

Nell at 17:53 on 18 May 2007  Report this post
Hi Joan,

I'd been meaning to ask, but didn't like to - this says it all though. Congratulations!

I love the way you've kept this so very simple, yet each image is exact and telling. The second stanza brings a lump to the throat - so beautiful in its truth - and amazingly original in concept too - I don't believe I've ever thought or read of hearts as having roots before, yet it works so well they'll always have roots for me now.

You've taken the miracle and wonder of the newborn and made a poem that touches the tender spot without falling into the trap of sentimentality - brilliant.

Nell.



joanie at 19:29 on 18 May 2007  Report this post
Thanks Nell. She is Xanthe Rose, born Wednesday, 9th May.

Joan

Nell at 20:30 on 18 May 2007  Report this post
Joan, you must all be very happy, and such lovely names too.

Nell.

Laura Hunt at 14:36 on 21 May 2007  Report this post
Suddenly it all makes sense......!

She will love this.....

xxxx

LH

joanie at 19:33 on 27 May 2007  Report this post
Thanks for reading, Laura. I haven't actually sent this to the proud parents yet.....

Joan

joanie at 22:15 on 24 August 2007  Report this post
It has taken me until now - almost 4 months old - to send this to my son and daughter-in-law. I'll let you know if there is any response.

joanie

DeepBlueGypsy at 18:31 on 11 November 2007  Report this post
I totaly get this I am so Baby mad crazy that if there is one in my presence I forget everything and everyone else around me, they capture me and draw me in completely. Who knew that girgling and drooling could make me a ball of mush! I think a whole book of poetry about these very moments would be wonderful!

joanie at 18:35 on 11 November 2007  Report this post
Thanks again DBG. As a new 'granny' I think I might just start working on a book of 'moments', as you suggest!!

Incidentally, my daughter-in-law loves these poems but my son 'just doesn't get them'!! (As I thought)

Thanks

joanie


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