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New-born
Posted: 17 May 2007 Word Count: 54 Summary: Just a series of observations...
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precious finger nails formed in secret flail ecstatically, spider-web
silken features crumple, tearing once solid hearts from their roots
searching lips find a knuckle which serves its purpose for a while
buttons strain at the breaking threads while capers are preserved in salt and
green tomato chutney sits in grandeur on the dust-collecting table
Comments by other Members
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Elsie at 22:02 on 17 May 2007
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Hello. This is lovely, it took me a little while to understand - I understood lines 1 & 2 instantly, 3 & 4 are still puzzling, and the rest fell into place. I think 3 & 4 are me being too tired to think properly - but I think the whole thing together is wonderful. (For me it was jelly snakes...)
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joanie at 22:32 on 17 May 2007
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Thanks so much, Elsie. Lines 3 and 4 refer to that gorgeous baby-soft skin which distorts with that heart-wrenching crying and destroys those close relatives who think they are so strong!
Glad you enjoyed it.
Joan
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Elsie at 09:55 on 18 May 2007
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Joanie - I was so tired last night that although I had read the title, I promptly forgot I had - then felt pleased with myself for working out what it was about. Duh! (At least you know it works even without the title!) I see the lines 3 & 4 now, perhaps a comma after crumple might make absolutely bleeding obvious for the likes of tired people like me ;)
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Nell at 17:53 on 18 May 2007
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Hi Joan,
I'd been meaning to ask, but didn't like to - this says it all though. Congratulations!
I love the way you've kept this so very simple, yet each image is exact and telling. The second stanza brings a lump to the throat - so beautiful in its truth - and amazingly original in concept too - I don't believe I've ever thought or read of hearts as having roots before, yet it works so well they'll always have roots for me now.
You've taken the miracle and wonder of the newborn and made a poem that touches the tender spot without falling into the trap of sentimentality - brilliant.
Nell.
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joanie at 19:29 on 18 May 2007
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Thanks Nell. She is Xanthe Rose, born Wednesday, 9th May.
Joan
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Nell at 20:30 on 18 May 2007
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Joan, you must all be very happy, and such lovely names too.
Nell.
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joanie at 19:33 on 27 May 2007
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Thanks for reading, Laura. I haven't actually sent this to the proud parents yet.....
Joan
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joanie at 22:15 on 24 August 2007
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It has taken me until now - almost 4 months old - to send this to my son and daughter-in-law. I'll let you know if there is any response.
joanie
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DeepBlueGypsy at 18:31 on 11 November 2007
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I totaly get this I am so Baby mad crazy that if there is one in my presence I forget everything and everyone else around me, they capture me and draw me in completely. Who knew that girgling and drooling could make me a ball of mush! I think a whole book of poetry about these very moments would be wonderful!
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joanie at 18:35 on 11 November 2007
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Thanks again DBG. As a new 'granny' I think I might just start working on a book of 'moments', as you suggest!!
Incidentally, my daughter-in-law loves these poems but my son 'just doesn't get them'!! (As I thought)
Thanks
joanie
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