Login   Sign Up 



 

Loss

by DomSanchez 

Posted: 23 April 2007
Word Count: 178


Font Size
 


Printable Version
Print Double spaced


So that was it. Gone.

My head throbs my vision has sunk deep within my head and sounds seem unconnected to where I now exist. There is nothing. Numb feeling, dense thoughts. Each time my mind feels as though it has thought of something it goes, everything goes. I cannot tell if my eyes are dry or watery, my muscles slump.
There is no anticipation, there is no surprise that could lurk behind the next turn, even tension has left me now.
I have only my subconscious bodily functions.
All around me the masses swill and wash over me jostling me one way and another, I lose my starched eyes and my body is lazily buffeted forward and backward, side and side, to forward and backwards again. Then from within the depths I realise I am smiling, no, I am laughing uncontrollably, maniacally.
Then stop.
Then nothing.
Is this madness? Is this madness I hear somebody say.
I blink.
Blink.
"Are you alright, mate?" The man's lips move independently from the sound, the sound reverberates.
I am immortal.






Favourite this work Favourite This Author


Comments by other Members



di2 at 07:45 on 27 April 2007  Report this post
They say a well written piece often "shows" more than "tells" a story. Your piece showed me grief. I felt it.

The last para where your dialogue says "Are you alright, mate?" reminded me of a lucky escape I once had when I skied off the side of a road, out into mid air (just like the "road runner" cartoon), fortunately for me I landed in soft snow. It was a shock and as I collected myself, lying in the snow looking up toward the sky, thanking my luck stars, an Australian in a very broad Ocker accent, lent over the edge of the road and said "are you OK Di". It was just like you described i.e. The man's lips move independently from the sound, the sound reverberates.

A good piece, possibly it would make a good upload for the Flash Fiction group.

Di2




To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .