Login   Sign Up 


Aye Aye Cap`t

by Jeremiad1971 

Posted: 28 March 2007
Word Count: 531

Font Size

Printable Version
Print Double spaced

Let us take a second to consider the case of Alan McIlwraith. 28, living with his parents on a council estate and being bullied at work.

He is a man of slight build and one day, just walking the streets, he was assaulted and a scaffolding pole was introduced to his head.

From that day on he became captain Sir Alan McIlwraith, CBE, DSO, MC, MiD. Sir Alan graduated top of his class at Sandhurst and became on expert on terrorism He served time in the hell holes of the world and was injured protecting a lady’s honour from a mob. Forced to take a job in Civvy Street he told his new colleagues of his military background and one of the managers remembered they had trained together at Sandhurst.

Soon Sir Alan was engaged and Lady Shona accompanied him to a charity event for battlefield anecdotes and champagne.

And there it peaked.

His appearance in a society magazine popped the bubble – he was recognised, he lost his job and Lady Shona posted the engagement ring with no note. When asked about Sir Alan, a rather cruel army spokesman said “He has never been an officer, soldier or army cadet. May I suggest you try the space cadet organisation.”

Alan is now depressed – “I’ve lost everything. I am probably the only man in the country without a secret to tell.

Now, let all that sink in and consider the scale of his achievements. Without the help of so much as a spin-doctor, let alone the resources of the White House administration, he survived for two years on a manufactured personality.

He has said, “I cannot get a job because I am untrustworthy”. That would seem a highly negative view of his skills. His experience is a worthy CV for our times and there are jobs aplenty for a man of his talents.

I’m sure some of the contestants on the X-Factor would benefit from his wisdom and he could run a boot camp for the aspirational who are still troubled by a nagging sense of reality.

He could build from his life changing moment and offer a course in reinforcement training – a simple mallet to bonce and applicants could have the life they really deserve.

His opportunities will grow and grow and I suspect he will become a role model for the sizable part of the population with a weak sense of self. Living in an environment that posits looking after number one as the essential survival strategy and rewards the ability to adapt to any circumstance with scant regard to long lasting consequence is going to create more and more Captain Alans. It’s a rat race and if you feel your true self is being overlooked simply create a more desirable one and away you go

A certain escape into dreams of omnipotence in the workforce or the bedroom is probably healthy but, for the love of God, let’s keep it to our internal lives.

From closing your eyes and wishing the world away to relating sexual tales of questionable physical practicality just remember the possibility of going Captain is only a blow to the head away.

Favourite this work Favourite This Author

Comments by other Members

roger at 15:28 on 28 March 2007  Report this post
Hi David,

A great premise and some very funny lines, the pole being 'introduced' to his head, being one. But I'm a bit confused (nothing new there!) - I'm assuming that his meeting with the scaffold pole made him THINK he became Sir Alan. And your fundamental point that it's possible to be ANYTHING if you've got the front fits in with that. But, can an ordinary bloke on the street quickly get to be top of his class at Sandhurst? Or maybe the head bang made him CAPABLE of becoming Sir Alan? Or maybe I'm being a total prat and misunderstanding the whole thing? LOL

Whatever, I enjoyed the read.

I did notice a couple of punctuation bits missing.


JenDom at 17:34 on 28 March 2007  Report this post

My, but you're prolific! Well done you!

This started off with your usual humourous and lightness of touch but I felt this piece was in two parts - the funny haha to the downer and that both didn't quite gel as wonderfully as your other uploads.

I don't know what it is that's done that! I think it read quite sad towards the end - maybe a bit too real and close to the bone: manufacturing a different persona for a better life.. sort of a downer isn't it really!


But hey, made me all thoughtful reading this, so it worked on me!


V`yonne at 19:55 on 29 March 2007  Report this post
Iliked the gheneral idea behind this but I thought maybe it could show instead of tell if worked on. Whose phase is that? (Thanks Becca!)

Jeremiad1971 at 20:22 on 29 March 2007  Report this post
Hi Roger,

Thank you for taking the time to read the pice. Your support is much appreciated.

After he was beaten up, he invented the persona, complete with the phony qualifications.

It was the last straw for a low status, desperate individual.

I'll make the punctuation chages.

Cheers Roger.


Jeremiad1971 at 20:30 on 29 March 2007  Report this post
Hello Jen,

Your time and your comments are really appreciated.

Your feedback was valuable and well thought out and I have consider that the piece doesn't gel.

Thanks again Jen.


Jeremiad1971 at 20:46 on 29 March 2007  Report this post
Hello Oonah,

I have a new mantra - show not tell, show not tell..

Thanks for your time


To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .