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AB2CD – A British Born Confused Desi

by Meena 

Posted: 23 September 2003
Word Count: 373
Summary: People do not accept others easily if they are different. It could be one's own community or other communities. This poem is just that exploration of confusion based on the famously coined quote which is the title.
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AB2CD – A British Born Confused Desi

I ask myself sometimes
Am I British or Am I
AB2CD
A British Born Confused Desi

I like football and not cricket
Traitor shouts some conservative Asians
I wear swimsuit or bikini on the beach
Or for a swim
Shameless, no izzat, gossip some aunties
Mother has failed
Father has spoiled
I am A British Born Confused Desi

I love fish and chips
Traditional British grub
But I love spicy, hottie foods
Chicken tikka masala, curry, rice and chapatti
Umm! Fab desi food
I love quick takeaways and microwave meals
Lazy, stupid git, can’t cook complain Asian men
I am a British Born Confused Desi

I watch Hollywood Bollywood
Listen to Soul, pop, rock, hip-hop, R&B, garage and Reggae
And dance the garba, dandiya raas and bhangra
Loud music, no shame, complain the community
What’s the confusion my friends ask?
Be a fan of one type they preach
But, music is universal language, enjoy,
Life is too short, yaar
Huh! Yaar? What’s that ask my English friends
Means ‘friend’, ‘mate’ come on we have a new language
‘DesiEnglish’

I speak, read, and write in English
But speak my mother tongue just as aptly
I go to the temple to pray
Singing the hymns and prayers in my mother tongue
Although I talk to God in English
Am I British Born Confused Desi?

Ah! Family names – what to say
Call bahen not Sister,
Call bhai not Brother
Call jija not brother-in-law
Call bhabhi not sister-in-law
My dad’s side of family are
Dada-Dadi, Bapuji-Bhabhu,
Kaka-Kaki, Faiba-Fuva
My Mum’s side of the family are
Nana-Nani, Mama- Mami,
Masa-Masi,
No calling uncles and aunties
At least I know which side I am talking to

Things I love British
Freedom, education, opportunity,
Money, Country, Cars, Chips, pubs,
Clubs, music, movies

Things I love Desi
Spices, music, bindis, mehandi,
Cholis, saris – Umm sexy!
Nose studs and jewellery
Music, movies,

So am I A British Born Confused Desi?
What a absurd thing to say
I am British Born COOL Desi
Not confused
Respect me
Accept me
For what I am
Combining the best of both worlds


* DESI – means anyone originating or has parents, grandparents originating from the Indian sub-continent









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Comments by other Members



Fearless at 15:26 on 23 September 2003  Report this post
Made me laugh....and reminded me of two Spice Girls songs I was asked to rewrite by a bunch of Asian female professionals who performed them in front of their community at a show several years ago (dreadful rewrites):

'Who do you think you are?'/b

I hear you bitchin’
About the state of the kitchen

You just rant and rave
I wanna dig your grave

Giving is good
As long as you’re getting’

Now’s you’re chance
I wanna see you sing and dance

I said who-oo-oo do you think you are
(do U think U are)
I said oo-oo-oo some kind of superstar

You have got to
Shake it, spray it, wipe it, shine it
Who the hell do U think U are
Cooking, cleaning, washing, drying
Show me how good you are
Swifter, quicker, faster, do it!
Who do U think you are
Tear it, mend it, make it, break it
Show how good you are

You’re spreading out in the wrong direction
Big belly, and bandy legs
Your hair has been dripping for far too long
And you always wear a white sarong

Who….do U think you are
(do U think U are)
I said oo-oo-oo some kind of superstar

You have got to
Shake it, spray it, wipe it, shine it
Who the hell do U think U are
Cooking, cleaning, washing, drying
Show me how good you are
Swifter, quicker, faster, do it!
Who do U think you are
Tear it, mend it, make it, break it
Show how good you are

You always bu-u-urn
The roti on the stove
Do that once again
And I’ll break your nose

I said who-oo-oo do you think you are
(do U think U are)
I said oo-oo-oo some kind of superstar

You have got to
Shake it, spray it, wipe it, shine it
Who the hell do U think U are
Cooking, cleaning, washing, drying
Show me how good you are
Swifter, quicker, faster, do it!
Who do U think you are
Tear it, mend it, make it, break it
Show how good you are

Repeat chorus (ad nauseaum)



'Wannabe'/b

I’ll tell you what I want
What I really, really want

So tell me what you want
What you really, really want

I’ll tell you what I want
What I really, really want

So tell me what you want
What you really, really want

If you want my thee
I must check U from A to Z
If you wanna get past me
Don’t be too cocky

Now don’t go wastin’
My futile life
Get your shit together
Or you won’t get a wife

I’ll tell you what I want
What I really, really want

So tell me what you want
What you really, really want

If U wanna be her lover
You gotta get past my friends
Making Masee happy
This hardship will never end

If you wanna be her lover
You have got to give
One new mercedes
And a corner shop in Penge

What you think about that?
Now you know how I feel
Can U really provide all this stuff?
Are you for real?
I won’t be foolish
I want a bankers draft
If U can’t provide one
Then I’ll get my shotgun

I’ll tell you what I want
What I really, really want

So tell me what you want
What you really, really want

If you want my thee
I must check U from A to Z
If you wanna get past me
Don’t be too cocky

Now don’t go wastin’
My futile life
Get your shit together
Or you won’t get a wife

So here’s the story from A to Z
You wanna get past me
You must tread carefully


Blah, blah, intro the girls, blah, blah

If you want my thee
I must check U from A to Z
If you wanna get past me
Don’t be too cocky

If U wanna be her lover
You gotta get past my friends
Making Masee happy
This hardship will never end


<Added>

Its fair to say that in many ways, we are the transitional generation. We have had to straddle two cultures, neither of which we fit into precisely, and nor should we. It's up to us to show those who follow that you don't have to fit or conform, that it's actually ok to take the best of all that you find, because isn't that a large part of what life is about?

Culture, like people, places and spaces, evolves. It's just a matter of your perspective. A place or space may evolve along with the four seasons. A person may evolve over days, weeks, months or years. Cultures - they evolve over generations. Make no mistake, for all is a-changin'

Fearless
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Meena at 17:04 on 23 September 2003  Report this post
Fearless

Your lyrics are hilarious. I love them. It's so true what you say.

MEENA
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Fearless at 17:46 on 23 September 2003  Report this post
It just hit me......I wrote those lyrics back in 1996PB (pre-baldness - like AD, only more follicly-challenged).

I suddenly feel old. Time for some masala chai and a lie down.

Fearless
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Meena at 17:52 on 23 September 2003  Report this post
ha ha. Very funny. A Indian oil massage would be good too!

Meena
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Fearless at 17:57 on 23 September 2003  Report this post
Yes, they don't call me Kinky Kojak Babu for nothing. Write on sister Meena.

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Ioannou at 11:30 on 26 September 2003  Report this post
Love the mad, rushing, confusion you get across through this poem! It is confusing, identity. I wonder sometimes where I would be if I didn't have such a strong tie with London. A BB1/2G (British Born 1/2 Greek)? Liked your heady poem a lot. Love, Maria.
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Meena at 16:37 on 26 September 2003  Report this post
Ioannou

Thanks Maria. Yes the confusion is there although we try to come to terms with it, but it is much deeper than what is on the surface of this poem, which is trying to make light of the mess a lot of the transition generation find themselves in! By the way I am one of them.

Best
Meena
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Ioannou at 08:25 on 30 September 2003  Report this post
You have to laugh. Otherwise it all gets too serious and complex. It's strange to think that maybe some years from now, being mixed (and mixed up) might be all in the past because most people will be mixed and it won't matter. Or maybe it will go completely the other way. Love, Maria.
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