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Rooms Challenge

by Flyswat 

Posted: 21 March 2007
Word Count: 348


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Very tentatively I step inside, knowing this was a great place to be; to play, to hide, and to feel love. Itís been over ten years since I was last here. I take the two steps through the dark hallway, and into a brilliant place. Iím in. I donít know if itís me, but can you feel the chill? Is it real? Or is there spiritual air pulling me deeper into the room, spiralling, wrapping itself round the armchairs at either window, on each side of the bedroom, and draping softly over the largest double bed behind Iíve ever seen?
Wow! Nothing has changed, except time; the antiquated floral carpet now eaten at the edges; time-tainted white papered walls; always cobwebs like strands of clumped hair dangling free in the high corners of the room; the grey 1970ís top-box record player, next to Grandadís chair; even the teasmaid remains sat proudly to the left of the bedside Ė my grandmotherís side - on that old wooden trolley that still has the aged circular biscuit tin underneath. Oh morning tea with custard creams!
Perhaps the view from these two large south facing windows has changed somewhat. Ha! I wonder what my grandfather would make of the superstore, once the bacon factory, at the bottom of the now modern traffic-accommodating road. Would he feel invaded by the housing development opposite, where the local creamery used to have their repair garage for their lorries? Gosh, yes! I wonder if heíd know if that lady crossing at the lights was Mrs White or Mrs Smith, who has been married to Jim, one of his many friends from the bacon factory, for 47 years?
Grandadís view from the right side was by far the best. His view was more panoramic and interesting. Nanna would sit, sip her tea, and knit for all the family. Her view was less interesting Ė perhaps very simple. She was not so interrupted by each afternoonís activities within Station Road, and just accepted Grandadís commentary of the Totnes reality show. He was yester-yearís original live webcam, with sound!






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Comments by other Members



JenDom at 17:23 on 21 March 2007  Report this post
Hello!

This could easily have been maudling, but it wasn't ending as it does on a poignant humorous memory of a much loved, much missed grandad.

Wonderful vivid description of how nothing has changed.

Beautiful.

One small typo:

my grandmotherís side - on a that old wooden trolley

remove "a"?

Jen
x

Flyswat at 18:02 on 21 March 2007  Report this post
Thanks Jen. When I saw someone had commented on this small piece I cringed! And then you picked me up on a small error at the end... I laughed! Thanks very much for your time. Now where's the second part of this exercise from Fevvers?

JenDom at 20:14 on 21 March 2007  Report this post
Hi again!

Is this a sort of exercise in the poetry group? Just curious!

Jen
x

<Added>

Cringe?? You should be proud of this upload!!

Jen
x

Flyswat at 08:38 on 22 March 2007  Report this post
Yes Jen. Apparently it's supposed to be an exerciseof prose concerning what you see and hear in a room. You are supposed to write for 15 to 20 minutes. Mine was 24! Will I be disqualified? Ha.
Heath


V`yonne at 18:28 on 22 March 2007  Report this post
Well I'm not griping. I didn't time each of mine and I like yours. Mmmm Custard Creams! I haven't had those for years.

Oonah

JenDom at 00:39 on 23 March 2007  Report this post
Heath

Just say your watch was fast! LOL!

Sounds fun though!

Jen
x

Forbes at 12:15 on 23 March 2007  Report this post
I really liked this. it got the feeling of the room (and its view) over very well indeed.

draping softly over the largest double bed behind Iíve ever seen?


not sure what that behind is doing there?


liked the ides of
time-tainted white papered walls;


also liked

Grandadís view from the right side was by far the best. His view was more panoramic and interesting. Nanna would sit, sip her tea, and knit for all the family. Her view was less interesting Ė perhaps very simple.


it created their relationship very well.

Thanks for the read.

Forbes

Flyswat at 18:17 on 23 March 2007  Report this post
Thanks Forbes. That was a much appreciated comment. Strangely your comments come on what would have been their 67th wedding aniversary! They saw 53 together.

Interesting, your comment about the use of the word 'behind'. I struggled with that turn of phrase. I was trying to show how the bed was positioned in relation to the view.

And yes, their relationship is summoned up as you clearly read.

Thankyou.

Heath


fevvers at 21:06 on 27 March 2007  Report this post
This is a lovely bit of writing, Heath. Again, (as with Oonah's) a wonderful, controlled tone in a piece that is warm and generous and Ė and this is important Ė surprising for the writer. This is important because when a writer learns something in the writing, or is surprised by something coming from the writing, that surprise is communicated to the reader by a kind of osmosis.

I loved this bit: "to the left of the bedside Ė my grandmotherís side - on that old wooden trolley" and "Oh morning tea with custard creams!" - Gorgeous!

Cheers



Flyswat at 23:43 on 28 March 2007  Report this post
Fevvers, thanks very much. I look forward to the second part. Perhaps if I win this exercise you'll present me with a packet of custard creams!


fevvers at 12:44 on 29 March 2007  Report this post
Mmmmmm, virtual custard creams?


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