Headlining the local news last week was the discovery of a 'new' super-rat. Having frequented the town centre on a weekends evening, baring witness to the sweaty, shirt-clad vermin which loiter the streets, it it a struggle to fully comprehend how scientists have managed to avoid the detection of this sub species for quite so long.
Apparantly, it makes for shocking news that these rats are now living longer and reaching dramatic heights of as much as 6ft5". The super rats exist on a diet of kebabs, pizza and fried chicken which has helped in accounting for their increase in size although baffled scientists are still trying to fathom their ability to walk (albeit, in a staggering fashion) on two feet. However, the town boasts of its reputation of being multi-cultural and is eager to promote social intergration. Hence, the plans to encourage the rodents to firmly plant their roots here in Bournemouth. Various forms of entertainment have been laid on lavishly, in the form of a number of stripclubs, more commonly known as houses of appreciation for the female nude body. With four such establishments already in existence, it is perhaps no suprise that the super rat has become less timid and thus, more visible to the astute scientist. Undercover researchers have dropped their drawers in a bid to get closer to the nocturnal creatures and can often be found making special 'guest' appearances in various venues around the town, gyrating on poles. Such methods have allowed scientists to conclude that the super rats have made evolutionary history with their ability to ape, with a small degree of success, the English language and aquire a basic knowledge of the monetary system used in the U.K Although much of their day-time activities remain a mystery, rodent experts are working around the clock to provide locals with a greater understanding of these misunderstood creatures.