 crowspark at 23:30 on 01 March 2007
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What a wonderful drabble!
| Chocolate coloured curls framed the doll’s face, matching the swirls on the hand-woven rug. Christy clothed her in an ancestor’s Christening gown; the frilly hem a froth on the nursery floor. |
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Lovely opening sentence and great phrase "ancestor's Christening gown."
I wondered about "would be blonde" and was expecting "must be blonde" or should be. Love the bars on the window.
Great writing.
Bill
<Added>
Doh!
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 choille at 23:38 on 01 March 2007
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Cheers Bill,
Thanks for reading.
The 'Would be blonde' is deliberate - I think.
Cheers for kind comments.
All the best
Caroline.
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choille at 23:39 on 01 March 2007
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Cheers Bill,
Thanks for reading.
The 'Would be blonde' is deliberate - I think.
Cheers for kind comments.
All the best
Caroline.
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Dreamer at 23:48 on 01 March 2007
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I'm with Bill,
I liked the opening line. I am amazed that even in a drabble you still managed to imbue your piece with wonderful descriptions.
| Christy decided that the baby would be blonde so she took the big doll with the chocolate curls and poured bleach on its little head until it cried. |
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I interpretted this to mean that she is pregnant hence the 'would'. I was confused about the until it cried bit. If the hair was black on the doll it could imply an indiscrete interracial liaison but I don't htink that is what you are aiming at.
Nice writing. This did not feel like a drabble.
Brian.
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choille at 23:51 on 01 March 2007
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Hi Brian,
Cheers for reading.
| This did not feel like a drabble. |
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Neither did yours ;)
All the best
Caroline.
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Dreamer at 03:31 on 02 March 2007
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Again with the nasty jabs. The thistle is supposed to be an eblem not something you throw at people! :)
Mine was a three and a quarter drabble, known to people in the know as a 'three quartet'. Plus you must realise that the extra distance my stories have to travel over the pond tends to stretch them out a little on the way. Some allowance should be made for that.
Well, it's late and I'm rambling. Off to bed.
Pleasant dreams.
Oh yes, we are in the middle of a blizzard right now then tomorrow it is calling for an inch of rain. Go figure.
Brian.
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 Cornelia at 05:52 on 02 March 2007
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I liked the weirdness of this little world you have created in so few words. I was a bit confused about how she'd managed to pick out all the furnishings, etc when she seemed to be confined to the house. It's all fantasy, I suppose.
Sheila
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 optimist at 09:10 on 02 March 2007
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Hi Caroline,
This is 'horrible' - scary - and the description is, as ever wonderful.
Shiver!
One typo - window?
Thanks for the read,
Sarah
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titania177 at 09:34 on 02 March 2007
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Hi Caroline,
what a wonderful creepy story! I thought I understood it on first read, then changed my mind several times. I think it is a rather disturbed little girl waiting for her father to bring her mother and the new brother/sister home. Am I completely off the mark?
Loved
| poured bleach on its little head until it cried. |
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A chilling ending - if it is the story I think, the new arrival better watch out!
Thanks for this.
Tania
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tiger_bright at 11:01 on 02 March 2007
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Hi Caroline, great drabble, apparently cute and then with that killer shiver at the end. I agreed with Tania's reading, and shuddered for the new baby.
Tiger
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JenDom at 13:22 on 02 March 2007
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Good Lord!
I want some proper chocolate now. What an ending!
Jen
x
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choille at 21:27 on 02 March 2007
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Hi Brian,
Sorry - yes, of course it was a three quarter drabble - it's the exchange rate.
We have snow forecast too, but it won't be as much as you get. It's been lovely today, but it's so chnageable.
Caroline.
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Nessie at 21:27 on 02 March 2007
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Lovely prose, but I'm a little bit ungrounded... who is the 'him' the woman/girl is waiting for? Husband in imagination, or parent perhaps? Or the baby dol as a grown man, hence the bleach/abuse?
whatever, there is a wonderful sense of the creepy here.
thanks!
vanessa
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choille at 21:30 on 02 March 2007
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Hi Sheila,
Thanks for reading.
I had the bars at the window as it was the nursery & they were in old houses.
All the best
Caroline.
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choille at 21:38 on 02 March 2007
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Cheers Sarah,
Thanks for reading and the typo which I hadn't noticed.
All the best
Caroline.
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choille at 21:47 on 02 March 2007
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Hi Tania,
Hi Tania,
Thanks for reading.
I had her - in my head - as a young girl waiting for the new arrival and her much loved father who will now have another apple for his eye.
Cheers
All the best
caroline.
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Jumbo at 23:31 on 02 March 2007
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Caroline
Great writing - it has a nasty edge to it that never quite explains itself.
Loved
| so she took the big doll with the chocolate curls and poured bleach on its little head until it cried. |
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That's my sort of ending!
Thanks for the read
john
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choille at 23:57 on 02 March 2007
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Hi Jumbo,
Thanks for reading & commenting.
All the best
Caroline.
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Cornelia at 11:22 on 03 March 2007
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Bars at nursery windows are a good idea, but it doesn't take a Dr Spock* to advise against letting children play with bleach. I suppose these details escape people with ancestral christening gowns.
Sheila
*Popular child-care expert in the 1960s
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Elbowsnitch at 08:27 on 04 March 2007
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Caroline, ooh, very strange and chilling. At first I assumed Christy was a child, but by the end, I wasn't so sure. And who is 'him coming in his shiny motor car' - her father? - but in that case, where is the mother? I love all the questions this piece doesn't resolve!
Frances
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choille at 21:04 on 04 March 2007
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Cheers Frances,
Thanks for reading. I wanted it to be a little open ended & open to many interpretations.
All the best
Caroline.
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