expectations by cariad - WriteWords.org.uk

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expectations

by cariad

Posted: 20 February 2007
Word Count: 134
Summary: (2006 harry) are we ever too old to fall in love?

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so you will be sleeping now
i biding my time until we wake together
forever is not long enough
i am not tough enough yet
so many words just fly out of the window
some like moths in the night
to the light
in flight to die
with the fear of being captured

the rapture in my dreams words cannot say
but then the light of day creeps stealthily in
sneaking shrewdly through the curtains
the uncertainties cast me to the ground
you have found me now
sounds haunt me now
laughter taunting at my side
nothing left to hide now

bright expectations, flirtations, emotions

afraid now, the moth hovers closer to the light
knowing in its heart, the start of a brand new day
but this is our first day
wake up now

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Comments by other Members

mermaid at 16:24 on 20 February 2007 Report this post

Hi there Gilly,

I like the undercurrent of danger in this poem - the danger of fragile expectations that can so easily be shattered. I like the way that you use the image of the moth to underline this fragility.

some like moths in the night
to the light
in flight to die
with the fright of being captured

There were too many 'ight' words in this bit for my liking. I would have preferred another, non-rhyming word instead of 'fright'. That's just my personal opinion though - feel free to ignore.

I thought the rhythm of the poem was great - it flowed wonderfully.

Mermaid