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CSI Spoof

by Philip Marston 

Posted: 25 January 2007
Word Count: 420

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Dawn was breaking across the bay and last night’s gale had dropped to a light breeze. A silver police Hummer pulled up and stopped in front of the small crowd that was gathering in the street. Lieutenant Krane stepped out of the car, removed his sunglasses and surveyed the crime scene.
‘Another day at the office.’ said Krane.
‘We got a head Lieutenant. And that’s about all we got’ said Detective Mulligan.
‘So, if we’ve got the head, who’s got the body?’
A loud blast of rock music burst out of the crowd. ‘Get these people back and turn off that goddamn music’ shouted Mulligan. Krane glared at Mulligan. He liked the crime scene the way it was.
‘Mulligan, why don’t you go and ask those people over there if they saw anything?’ said Krane.
‘Okay Lieutenant’ said Mulligan.
‘And find out where that shopping trolley came from’.
Krane turned around and saw officer Cally bending down and taking photographs of the head. Krane watched her as she got to her feet, pouted and flicked her hair out of her eyes all in one slow continuous movement. Krane liked the way she worked.
‘Cause of death?’ asked Krane.
‘Sudden cranial-torso disassociation. But I’ll need to confirm that back at the
Krane stared wistfully into the distance. ‘So, he lost his head’.
‘We found this cap across the street’ said Mulligan.
‘Definitely not a beautiful day for baseball’ said Krane.
‘How are you going to find the body?’ asked Mulligan.
‘We follow the evidence. We have a head and a shopping trolley’ said Cally.
‘And the evidence never lies’ said Krane.
‘Perhaps someone ran out of money at the checkout’ said Mulligan. There was an awkward silence. Krane bit his lip at Mulligan’s attempt at humour. This was Krane’s crime scene and so he made the jokes. He would deal with Mulligan later. At the moment there was a body to find.
‘The head must have been blown here by the wind’ said Cally. ‘I think I’ll go back to the lab and run the storm debris locomotion simulation program to locate where the head started out from.’
‘It’s an ill wind that blows no good’ said Krane.
‘Do you always talk in clichés and ridiculous one liners Krane?’ asked Mulligan.
Krane looked contemptuously at Mulligan, but said nothing. Krane's phone rang. A headless body had been found in a car in the southern district. Krane put his sunglasses on and headed for the Hummer. ‘It’s a war out there.’

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Comments by other Members

mermaid at 13:07 on 25 January 2007  Report this post
Hi there Philip,

I enjoyed the dark humour in this, and the way you set the scene - good atmosphere with the aftermath of the storm. I could really imagine the bay.

I thought it was great the way that Krane preferred the scene the way it was, with the music, and also his desire to control Mulligan - genius. You manage to paint his character in really subtly and convincingly.

I don't know what effect you're aiming for, as this is such a small glimpse, but I found one or two things a bit cliched:

'Another day at the office'

Cally flicking her hair and pouting.

And if Mulligan is a detective, would he ask how the body was going to be found? Isn't this all part of his day-to-day life? And then would Cally and Krane respond in such an obvious and simple way?

Maybe I'm missing the point here and you want this to be a camp read? In which case, ignore the comments above.

Sorry to be a pedantic bore. Feel free to ingore all this!



Philip -

Ignore all of the above ramblings - wish I could delete them. I completely missed the word Spoof in the title for some reason, when I was critiquing this. Doh! :)

Philip Marston at 13:02 on 08 February 2007  Report this post
Hello Mermaid,

Thank you for the comments. I'm glad you liked the atmosphere and some of the characters.

It is a spoof of course. I wanted Krane to only talk in cliches.

But, I think I you're right on some of the others e.g. "flicking hair" was an unintended cliche that slipped through. Its something I have to control in my other writing.



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