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New Year`s day - Scenes 3 and 5

by Tigger23 

Posted: 22 January 2007
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Summary: A short extract of a play I am currently trying to write

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rwildman at 08:32 on 23 January 2007  Report this post

I've just read your short play extract. I like the possibilities in the piece, with respect to the characters. I'm guessing that there are a few incidents in their past that are going to come out to explain the current circumstances and the distant relationship between Morris and Jenny. The affair and the general distance of the father, especially as he wont see his son in prison, are all interesting areas to explore.

I'm guessing this is a first draft or at an early stage. I say that mainly because it is very heavy with dialogue and a lot of that dialogue seems very on-the-nose, which is something I do a lot at this point. As this piece develops and assuming the story is well planned out, as an outline/treatment and/or fully developed in your mind, then you'll probably be able to show more and tell less.

What is the overall theme for this piece? As the piece is around new year, a time of new beginnings, I'm thinking that may be involved, or am I way off?

Anyway, I can see a lot of potential for conflict and character change. I look forward to seeing how it develops.


Jubbly at 14:09 on 08 February 2007  Report this post
Hi Tigger,

I agree with most of what Richard has said about this extract. There's a lot of bitterness and pain in the text and sometimes things are better left unsaid which can lead to more tension and make the work more dramatic. Obviously there's lots we don't know as this is a work in progress but from the first read the character of the mother seems very contradictory and torn. This is a very human reaction to the events in her life but in this short piece the turns seem to come too quicky and could be misread as someone who might be having a breakdown of some sort. I'd suggest when you're happy with your draft you should get actors to do a reading for you, things become a lot clearer when you can hear them out loud and at the moment the dialogue is so dense I feel you're making the actor's role very difficult. The subject matter is very interesting as is the mother's overiding feeling of guilt. Please post some more scenes as I think this is a very promising work.



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