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The One That Got Away

by Barney 

Posted: 18 September 2003
Word Count: 120
Summary: The narrator is envious of the nerd from his school days who has somehow made it big...


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You were no better than me at school.
I was the go-getter, you the fool
The bedwetter, the so un-cool,
In a burgundy sweater dappled with drool.
No joined up letters, no pencil or rule.
I straddled a Lambretta, you fell off a stool.
I was Barcelona to your Hartlepool.
Smart to the letter and flash like a jewel
I was Garbo, Greta, to your Phil Cool
The face of an angel against the arse of a mule.
The topsetter, the one who would ruleÖ

But it all turned out better
Rather than worse for you,
Forever on the TV set
Earning as much as you doÖ

At least Iíve a pointless vendetta
And you still havenít got a clue







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Comments by other Members



Ioannou at 10:48 on 19 September 2003  Report this post
Cool, fun - liked the words you use, capturing the sense of school! A bit like a super super condensed poetical version of an Alan Bennet monologue. It is great! Didn't feel happy when the rhyme kind of got lost at 'TV set' and when the rhythm seemed to do the same thing with 'And you still haven't got a clue' - Maybe I'm reading it wrong? I am not sure it works to have a man compare himself to Garbo, a woman, in a memory? Maybe, but I wasn't convinced. Love, Maria.

bluesky3d at 10:53 on 19 September 2003  Report this post
Barney - Brilliant, I especially liked

I straddled a Lambretta, you fell off a stool.
I was Barcelona to your Hartlepool.


Andrew :o)

<Added>

hmm Phil Cool is a cool guy... maybe that line is too complimentary to the nerd?

Ellenna at 14:10 on 19 September 2003  Report this post
Barney ..great stuff! Yes don't we subsequently find out the successful ones are the ones who really got on your &%(* at school! I thoroughly enjoyed this..and I don't mind the change in rhythmn..it sort of grounds your reminiscence.

Ellie :)

Barney at 22:08 on 19 September 2003  Report this post
Thanks! The concerns raised by others were the same ones I had, but I fought and fought to get it all to fit! Ellena, what you said makes sense - I think that's what I was trying to do! The Garbo line was the weakest though, I feel.

Cheers - Barney

Ellenna at 22:43 on 19 September 2003  Report this post

"Bloody Greta Garbo" as Peter Cook said:)








peterxbrown at 01:52 on 20 September 2003  Report this post
Yes! We can all relate to this! All the more enjoyable and humouress because the resentment seems real.
I am sure it was an sx200 with mirrors and lots of chrome that you straddled, resplendentin parka and mod gear ......
I also love the line "I was Barcelona to your Hartlepool" Brilliant!

Tina at 10:05 on 20 September 2003  Report this post
Great stuff

'flash like a jewel' - can just imagine it!
Thanks for this it really made me smile!
great efforts with the rhyme too - brilliant - thanks
Tina
x


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