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Oh poo!

by viky7258 

Posted: 18 September 2003
Word Count: 271
Summary: Smell exercise, little over 250 words though.


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I sat in the waiting room of my doctors and watched as yet another person joined the room and sat down. Turning the page of my magazine I suddenly felt a tingling in my nose. First ever so slightly, then it came quite strong, a change in the aroma of the room. I recognised the smell instantly and wrinkled my nose. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat and turned another page. The slight shift in the air movement from my turning of the page bought the smell swiftly up and into my nose canal; the smell hit the back of my throat. It was not pleasant. I couldn’t move though, it would’ve been too awkward; he had chosen the seat right next to me. I looked around the room to see if anyone else had noticed the smell. A young boy and his mother who sat opposite me clearly had. I watched the boy struggling to contain his laughter, while the mother nudged him quiet with her elbow. I could almost feel the smell clinging to my nostril hairs; it was awful. An elderly couple joined the group and sat down nearby. I watched them with interest to see if they would notice it too. The woman noticed it straight away. I looked at the man the smell emanated from. He noticed nothing. But when the old lady cleared her throat and politely informed him of the little ‘package’ stuck to the bottom of his shoe, then he noticed and quite embarrassed quickly left the room. I laughed inwardly, while the young boy laughed outwardly. The air suddenly became much fresher.






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Comments by other Members



Felmagre at 09:17 on 19 September 2003  Report this post
I found the double meaning embedded in 'the air suddenly became fresher' ,the man leaving and the outward laughter, subtle very well caught.

Anna Reynolds at 13:10 on 21 September 2003  Report this post
This works well- although here's a thought; try not using the word 'smell' so often, I counted at least 6 and 3 in one sentence. That goes for any word other than 'the', 'and', etc. Challenge yourself to either come up with different words- always a good exercise to use as you're writing anything- or to make us guess that it's a smell you're alluding to at all. The ending is nice- the contrast of inward and outward laughter. I also think you could make more of the concern everyone has that it might be them. The little boy is good.

Tuppence at 15:56 on 06 February 2005  Report this post
ha ha i have poem called pooh!
funny what we write about innit?


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