 Tina at 16:15 on 16 September 2003
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Ellena
As the Americans say - neat.
I like your use of images to represent how we struggle against time passing - and your use of questions to heighten the uncertainty.
A couple of things don't quite flow for me - but this is only a very personal reflection - hope you don't mind these suggestions:
For the first verse - this makes the questioning more obvious - to me anyway....
how much time
do we count by the year?
Using feelings and doubt
to measure our fear.
Also in the second verse
perhaps this makes a clearer analogy - but perhaps this was not what you meant.
or a winters breath
in a warmer season
I have been very pleased witht he comments and suggestions received through this site - its a great opportunity so hope you don't mind my suggestions - let me know what you think -
with thanks
tina
x
Tina
xxxx
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bluesky3d at 16:23 on 16 September 2003
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Ellie, About Time great poem and great title... the dual meaning in the phrase beautifully captures the enigma of the poem.
A :o)
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Barney at 17:24 on 16 September 2003
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Love the imagery, particularly with the safety net and the buffer. The rhyme scheme works really well too. I would only say that perhaps the first verse doesn't flow so well - it required a couple of readings to decipher meaning. Perhaps the odd word or punctuation required? Excellent stuff though.
Barney
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Felmagre at 21:49 on 16 September 2003
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This poem had an amazing ability to make you think, in a very gentle way, about'passing time' and how we feel and think about it fear and so forth.
Really liked it. Thank you.
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Account Closed at 22:28 on 16 September 2003
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Great poem - the rhyme scheme is wonderful. I agree it should be either "years" and "fears" or "year" and "fear". I also wondered about "chance" coming up a line so you don't end with "the".
Loved the sense of pace too - as if we're all galloping to the end - which in a philosophical sense maybe we are!!
Anne B
x
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Ellenna at 16:09 on 17 September 2003
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Tina thank you so much for your suggestions..and taking the time to read it.. I will let the poem mull for a while and see how I feel about it...I am really grateful for your input and glad you liked it.
Ellie:)
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Ellenna at 16:13 on 17 September 2003
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Barney.. grateful thanks for your comments .. glad you like it too.. as i said above I am mulling lol.. and very glad to have comments .. thanks :)
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Ellenna at 16:18 on 17 September 2003
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Felmagre and Holly .. thank you for reading and commenting .. its invaluable to have feedback and I am so grateful and also glad that it "grabbed " you !
Ellie :)
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 Brendle at 16:40 on 03 November 2003
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"I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;" -TS Elliot 'The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrok' That poem also talked about regret, time and fear. The last para was very good. I can never make anything rhyme so economically and perfectly.
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Ellenna at 11:32 on 19 January 2004
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Brendle thank you.. it's taken time to find your comment :) it was About Time!
Ellie..
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engldolph at 23:06 on 17 March 2004
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Hi Ellenna
As a newcomer here, I have a long back-list of interesting poems to dive into..and I can see I will enjoy yours..the way you think and your writing style.. so I start at the top of your list..
About Time..I like the title
As it is my birthday today, this was an appropriate poem to read... lilked it's simplicity, but also that it holds many eternal questions... like the imagery...
agree with most of above comments about some of the details..I would have reversed safety net with buffer...but as you say...let it sit and mull for a few months and then take another look..
Really liked the last lines...deadline or decision pending...very astutely put.
Best wishes,
Mike
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Ellenna at 13:27 on 18 March 2004
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Mike Thanks very much for your comments ..I think I might agree about the reversal of safety net and buffer...nice of you to drag this one out. It's good to revisit things I have written and see with fresh eyes..
Ellie
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Lawrenco at 22:42 on 06 April 2004
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Hi ellenna, I like the simple way a very complicated matter is dealt with.
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Ellenna at 16:55 on 07 April 2004
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Hi Lawrenco.. thank you very much! Glad you enjoyed it...
Ellie...
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