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Archive » hailfabio » Work
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Le Monkey

by hailfabio 

Posted: 01 December 2006
Word Count: 10
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Your
smoke
had no
fire,

yet I still got singe-d.






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Comments by other Members



joanie at 07:55 on 02 December 2006  Report this post
Hi Stephen. I like the simplicity yet depth of this. I think you need a totally different title, though. I'm useless at titles; I'm still learning a lot!

I wondered why the last word had a hyphen. As I speak French, I immediately read 'singe' which means 'monkey' and I thought of 'made a monkey of me'.

Interesting.

joanie

<Added>

Ooo! Just had an idea! What about Monkey for the title?
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smudger at 08:25 on 04 December 2006  Report this post
Strong sense of disillusionment in this; very effective.
Tony
PS But yes, why the hyphen?
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hailfabio at 11:52 on 07 December 2006  Report this post
Thanks for the comments.

I'm not sure why the hyphen, but I like Joanies take, very good.

Stephen
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Account Closed at 10:13 on 08 December 2006  Report this post
Ooh. Lovely. But I'd take out the punctuation, lose the capital "Y" into a small "y" at the start and see how that feels. I think it's powerful enough to stand alone.

A
xxx
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Beanie Baby at 11:48 on 11 December 2006  Report this post
The hyphen adds a depth to this; a touch of mystery, shall we say.
Very well written.
Beanie
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