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Perspective 2

by hailfabio 

Posted: 22 November 2006
Word Count: 76

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Was it
the strain
or the pain
or even the stain
you put on my heart?

From the start
what set us apart
was perspective,
our objectives
were different

Shame that
our relationship
ended up a text-mess,
well merry Christmas
and a good tiding I hope you get.

The tide has withdrawn
for us.
And the hope?
I guess that was
mine to keep.

Perspectives change
and rearrange
but it's all the same.


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Comments by other Members

joanie at 12:39 on 25 November 2006  Report this post
Hi Stephen. As I read this, I get a very strong impression that it is personal. I can imagine this being read by someone who knows exactly what is going on.

I thought that the rhyme in the opening verse felt a bit strained, as did 'and a good tiding I hope you get', but I just loved
our relationship
ended up a text-mess
I suspect this will be more and more prevalent these days!

I wasn't sure whether this was a rhyming poem or not; it seemed to fluctuate but I liked the sentiments; they are very real.


James Graham at 13:37 on 25 November 2006  Report this post
Not for the first time, you've found ways of linking form and meaning. I can see some significance in the fact that the poem rhymes on and off, not consistently. In the second verse, rhyme sort of bows out. You have full rhymes in start/ apart, then a slightly off rhyme in perspective/objectives, then no rhyme at all until the clever partial rhyme of text-mess/ Christmas. Rhyme, or the lack of it, has so many possible effects, but one effect can be to suggest harmony or disharmony. Rhyme suddenly giving way to non-rhyme in the middle of a poem can help to convey the sense of something that was together not being together any more - and that's appropriate in this poem.

Other things I like in this are subtle connection between 'tiding' and 'tide', the idea that hope 'was mine to keep', and the whole idea of different perspectives. 'Text-mess' is a word that could get into the language - unless maybe it is already, and I'm not au fait enough with texting to know it! It would be nice if it was your original invention. Text-mess, noun: a misunderstanding, conflict or problem brought about as a result of text messaging. It ought to be in the dictionary, because I'm sure it represents something real.


hailfabio at 17:50 on 26 November 2006  Report this post
Thanks very much Joanie/James,

This has a lot of feeling in it, I like playing around with rhyme and form in unusual ways. Text-mess was something I invented, I'm not sure if it's been said before but it seemed to sum things up well.


joanie at 18:02 on 26 November 2006  Report this post
It sums things up very well; I have a couple of tales re. misunderstood text messages - too long for on here!


Jordan789 at 06:11 on 27 November 2006  Report this post
I think there is often a danger in writing love poems, because, in relationships, when we're in them, and we think so hard about our decisions and our motivations, and the motivations of the other party, and our words and their words, what we ultimately arrive at are reasons which will sound very strikingly similar to reasons why all break ups occur. These are often, lack of communication, a difference in interests or objectives... like a life goal or career change... the involvement of a 3rd party, ie. cheating... i'm sure we can come up with more if we want.

I guess, what inspired me to write that small ditty on relationships is that I didn't really feel too personally connected with the speaker. I understood a bit of his plight, being the dumped, the one who is dragging around all of the pain and self pity. But it is hard to relate to feelings when they are broken down so completely and utterly, and there is no doubt or questions of ambiguity. Is the woman really so heartless? Is the speaker really so noble? There are flaws in that sort of thinking. Perhaps the woman became bored with a stagnancy that the speaker showed. Perhaps she initially thought he was cute, but his clumsy mouth quickly made her reconsider the situation with her other boyfriend. These examples are obviously not supposed to be anyhow related to the speaker's story, and are instead drawn from my personal biography. Any sort of deductions from this poem would be almost impossible. I hope I get my point across that this doesn't feel personal enough to really connect and empathize. With me at least.

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