Culled
Posted: 15 September 2003 Word Count: 164
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Striped, ambling beasts, seeking food, away from prying eyes. Camouflaged, in black and white against dogs and human hunters. TB they say is spread by them to cows and sheep,domesticated creatures. As such, without too much research they've ordered thousands culled.
The slaughter stopped for several months because of foot and mouth but now's resumed, this bloody cull in forests deep and old. As, ancient, hidden creatures, unable to appeal, are, unjustly executed; for crimes which yet remain unproven.
What power, oh what blindness, afflicts the ministry that thousands of these beasts must die just in case they spread TB instead of making sure they're guilty before, enforcing sentence. Is this fair is this just, this heartless course of action?
I fully understand now... why Badgers are nocturnal keeping out of sight of men though even then, they are not safe. Who'll speak, I wonder, for these beasts; who'll plead their cause; who'll stem the flowing of their blood; who'll save their ancient line?
Comments by other Members
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bluesky3d at 09:17 on 15 September 2003
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An effective poem against the killing of badgers.
What if the identity of the badger was revealed more slowly by just gradually giving the the reader clues - they might be drawn by curiosity to discover what was being killed and slaughtered - they would be asking who is slaughtering what and for what purpose? - a bit like making a story out of it - perhaps it would add another dimension so the reader can do a little bit of thinking ?
Striped, ambling beasts,
emerging at night
seeking food, away from prying eyes.
Camouflaged, in black and white
against dogs and human hunters.
Disease they say it spreads
to cows and sheep,cattle in the fields,
As such, without too much research
they've ordered thousands culled.
...etc
Andrew :o)
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Felmagre at 09:58 on 15 September 2003
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Hello Andres,
Thank you for taking the time to comment. I liked your suggestion so have 'tweaked' it a little. Be interested to know if it works.
Thank you again
Felgrn.
<Added>
Sorry about the Fench/Scottish version of your name, have no idea what happened.
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bluesky3d at 10:04 on 15 September 2003
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yes .. well I think it improves it .. and maybe only mention badger on the last line if at all ?
This secret cull, this bloodshed,
this sinister, badger watch;
as, ancient, hidden creatures,
This secret cull, this bloodshed,
this sinister watch;
as, ancient, hidden creatures,
A :o)
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Felmagre at 10:55 on 15 September 2003
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Hello again, am inclined to think that is stretching the readers tolerance a little too far.
Mind you in saying that, I like the effect that the oblique reference has given it but feel I will leave in the actual 'badger' reference which appears far down in the second stanza for now.
Again, thank you for your insight and inputm it has been very helpful and appreciated.
Kind regards.
Felgrn
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Account Closed at 20:29 on 15 September 2003
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I thought this was very valid and definitely a poem that needs to be written, particularly in the current eco-climate. I wondered if you might need to tighten it up a little, eg have the stanzas the same length somehow to make the patterning more intense? I wasn't sure I agreed with the concept of leaving the fact it's a badger to the end - that didn't bother me at all!
Anne B
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peterxbrown at 01:59 on 16 September 2003
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Well done Felmagre, the Brock needs our help. I am not sure about when you should name the badger either but think its a nice idea of bluesky's.
I love the description "Striped ambling beasts" and the idea of "ancient, hidden creatures" and their "forests deep and old". I think Anne B makes a valid point about the poem's shape
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Felmagre at 08:17 on 16 September 2003
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Hello AnneB
Yes, I agree with your observation that there is a need to tighen it and think this may well be something to do with adverb usage. I'll do some surgery. Also would like to thank you for your comments regarding stanza lengths which I believe should assit in the process, this I shall,also, attend to it.
Really do appreciate the positive, helpful feedback being given.
Regards
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Felmagre at 08:30 on 16 September 2003
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Hello Peterxbrown,
Thank you for your comments, I must admit I feel passionately about injustice, particularly when it is levelled at people or creatures with no recourse. Badgers, are wonderfully illusive creatures feeding on worms most of the time, keeping out of mans way yet still we want to destroy them. Sometimes I think humankind has it's brain wired wrongly. We are the most consistently destuctive force on earth even taking into account natural forces, wind rain etc, at least they have 'destructive seasons'
Still, enough of my soapbox... I too think AnneB has some valid points. Bluesky's idea's were interesting and I'm still digesting them, so suspect this poem could be said to be unfinished, in the molding process.
This ability to post poems, writing and such like to receive feedback really is a writers dream come true.
Thanks again
Felgrn.
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Felmagre at 08:54 on 16 September 2003
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Revised poem posted...be grateful for comments on how it reads as I've taken note of the feedback given. Also I've culled the last stanza as I was not sure it really worked, which means, interestingly enough, that Badger is now mentioned only in the last stanza, a suggestion offered by Bluesky but one I was not too sure about: I should have listened!
Please, if you've time, I'd value comments, critical or positive, after all it's how we learn and hopefully become better poets.
Thank you (in anticipation)
Felgrn.
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olebut at 09:25 on 16 September 2003
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Fe
a wonderful use of poetry to put over a strong message about an extremely unjust event, a strange decsion by a govenrment that strives to ban hunting but not the culling of badgers.The line which bothers me is line 6 and the use of cows and cattle
david
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Felmagre at 14:41 on 16 September 2003
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Yes, thought that myself. Strangley I had posted a revised version with this taken out but this does not seem to have arrived, think I must have been logged off. Will attempt to sort it later.
Thanks again for your constant support and feedback.
Very much appreciated.
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Meena at 12:36 on 23 September 2003
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I am a vegetarian.
So this senseless killing of animals is question I always ask myself. It does not matter if it is done for pleaseure, food or cosmetic indalgence. Why inflict pain on another living, feeling and sensing creature. I found this poem very very effective, just the thing for animal rights.
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