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The Son of sod knows

by John G.Hall 

Posted: 31 October 2006
Word Count: 189
Summary: A Love,a marriage & a death
Related Works: Making Do • 
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The son of sod knows


O my love you were the fizzing tease of stardust on my saucer cut wrists
O my love your eyes were binary stars in the spiral arms of my eiderdown

O my love your silence was an angry chant from an empty mouth
O my love you were my sister of mercy and I was your evil Jesus

O my love you were the short fuse in my body’s bomb
O my love your soul was gay on the dock of my eBay

O my love your blood was boiled on my Bunsen fingers
O my love you were given to me only to be given away

O my love my love was passively aggressive only towards me
O my love my love burned as hard as the piss icicle of an artic fox

O my love your love for me was shown only too clearly when
You squatted in the snow that Christmas and lost another God.



John G.Hall©2006

# You squatted in the snow that Christmas and lost another man’s god = alternative last line supported by a Vatican authorised DNA test.







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Comments by other Members



Account Closed at 07:33 on 03 November 2006  Report this post
A very angry and surreal feel to this. I don't think you need the explanation at the bottom - it detracts from the strength of the piece. And we can work it out for ourselves. Also, I wasn't sure about the "gay" line (too obscure in the sense that there's no real meaning to it, and you don't need the internal rhyme) or the piss icicle line - it's too angry and you lose the poetry of it. Actually you could probably lose that 2-liner entirely, as the "passive aggressive" phrase doesn't fit with the rest of the poem, to my mind.

Love the stardust line and the body's bomb line though!

Very strong stuff

A
xxx
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rmol1950 at 08:22 on 04 November 2006  Report this post
John
Anger comes across very strongly for me too and the images are great. I particularly liked the spiral arms of the eiderdown. Didn't understand the ebay and passive aggressive stanzas though, but the penny will probably drop next time I read it.
Best wishes
Richard
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