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by apsara 

Posted: 03 October 2006
Word Count: 102

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When I move to a new place
I roll the name around my mouth,
under and over my tongue,
like a boiled sweet.
Fajara, Kathmandu, Bangkok.

Some places are hard as Brighton rock,
their names stamped through them,
they slice the edges of your tongue
if you lick them too long.
Khon Kaen, Trang, Leeds.

Others have a soft centre,
if you suck them hard enough.
They burst with flavour, suddenly,
when you least expect it.
Ratchaburi, Newhaven, Hove.

And some are marshmallows,
melting in your mouth before
you've even begun to enjoy them.
Delicious but almost too sweet.
Heidelberg, Kathmandu, Vientiane.

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Comments by other Members

joanie at 18:37 on 03 October 2006  Report this post
Hi apsara. This really got me thinking about the sounds of place names. I wonder if it's the names themselves or our memories and experiences of them?

This is a wonderful idea; it's very sensuous. The different references to sweets are excellent. Mmmmm... delicious!

I love the contrasts; Khon Kaen and Leeds!

Have you visited or lived in all these places?

I wonder if the repetition of tongue and mouth is right; everything is so different that it seems a shame to repeat a word.

I enjoyed this.


apsara at 06:10 on 04 October 2006  Report this post
Yes, I have lived in all these places! Re repetition - I noticed when I was writing it up that there was a bit too much repetition - need to think about different parts of the mouth I think - teeth, cheek, gums?

Beanie Baby at 20:11 on 04 October 2006  Report this post
This is lovely. It's an interesting way to look at places and makes me wonder what Croydon would be? I daresay there are some who would think it is a bit like the stick of rock - hard and a little sharp. But I think I prefer to think of it as soft caramel - worth mulling over!

It might be a good idea to drop some of the mouth and toungue references although I don't think they really spoil the poem - it is just worth more, if you catch my meaning!


Becky100880 at 06:28 on 06 October 2006  Report this post
Hi apsara

I think the idea here is lovely - making place names almost onomatopoeic.

I like the description of rock almost cutting your tongue - reminds me of being a child.

I also like the simple, uncomplicated language you use in your description - I think it contrasts well with the exoticism of the place names and makes them stand out, rather than just punctuate the stanzas - if that makes sense.

As per the repetition of the words mouth and tongue, I think, as others have commented that other words might be better later on.

Overall, I enjoyed the poem, I think it evokes the senses of sound and taste vividly.

Hope these comments help!

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