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The First Trimester
Posted: 26 September 2006
Word Count: 97
Summary: suggestions, help, advice please!
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We are in the dark phase of the womb again
but this time we’re keeping to ourselves.
No scans, no bloods,
or midwives puffing
at our know-it-all attitude.
Just you, me and our tidal nausea.
If you slip away
it’ll be in your own way
smoothed by a couple of codeine.
No hospital drama and a D&C.
I’ll not allow hope,
though you’ll tell me what you look like
and whisper names to me in the night.
I won’t drown you with tears this time
but thank you for blessing my belly
with your few shy weeks.
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Comments by other Members
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 joanie at 16:54 on 26 September 2006
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Hi Nina. There is a tender, poignant story here which comes through beautifully without being forced. I like the the dark phase of the womb and the simple this time. I wondered if it needed the repetition later, in the last stanza.
What a lovely thought, thank you for blessing my belly
with your few shy weeks. |
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I can really associate with this and the idea that it would be better with just the quietness and no hospitals.
This is somehow very sad and yet hopeful. The image ofthough you’ll tell me what you look like
and whisper names to me in the night. |
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even though the writer can't let herself hope too much, is lovely.
I think it's beautiful.
Joan
<Added>
Is there an 'it' missing in the first stanza?
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 Elsie at 09:41 on 27 September 2006
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Hi Nina
I agree, it's gentle and lovely, and kind of philsophical, accepting that sometimes it doesn't work out. The voice of expereince. I don't have any suggestions - works fine to me.
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 NinaLara at 10:06 on 27 September 2006
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Dear Elsie and Joanie,
Thanks for your comments - I'm glad it works. I wasn't sure about repeating 'this time' either Joanie and infact I am unsatisfied with the first line of the last verse and am trying to come up with an alternative.
The 'it' is missing from the first stanza, but I thought it was more to the point without it!
Nina
x
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 Nell at 12:25 on 27 September 2006
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Hi Nina,
This is beautiful - the very quiet and gentle voice of the narrator somehow builds emotion in the reader - I could feel the tears rising. It really is as if this poem is only for the baby, as yet barely formed, with no striving for any sort of poetic effect, and is all the more powerful for that.
I liked 'keeping to ourselves' with its sense of being together, alone, in some way cut off from everyone rather than keeping the secret.
Re. the first line of the last stanza: I went back to re-read after your comment, but it still seems fine. Is it 'drown' that bothers you - as if somehow the speaker has a part in the loss? I thought if that were the case then perhaps 'anoint' or 'christen/baptise' might be nearer your intended meaning.
Lovely, lovely, lovely poem.
Nell.
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NinaLara at 13:47 on 27 September 2006
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Hi Nell
thanks very much for your positive comments - I hesitated to post this because I wondered if it was a poem at all. I'm thinking about:
my tears won't float you off this time
but I'll thank you for blessing my belly
with your few shy weeks. |
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Nell at 14:05 on 27 September 2006
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Nina, it's most definitely a poem. And I think the new last stanza works.
Nell.
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Amym at 19:17 on 19 November 2006
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Nina -
I always love your work and this is absolutely beautiful.
Not much more to add - but it really is lovely.
Amy xxx
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Stonerayven at 00:11 on 05 February 2010
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Another beautiful poem full of dignity, hope and comfort focusing on what was rather than what was not.
This is a wonderful example of how poems are not just about pretty words cleverly arranged around interesting ideas, they have a purpose. You can just feel the healing positive energy flowing from this one.
You put so much thought and care into everything you write and even when the subject matter is sad your poems are always uplifting. Thank you.
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