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A different reality

by pene 

Posted: 08 September 2003
Word Count: 132
Summary: another insight into bipolar affective disorder


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The world goes by around her
she knows that she is there,
all her life she's wondered
why fate is so unfair.

She knows that she is different
the evidence is clear,
it shows in vacant eyes
pure uncontrolled fear.

Emotions pour unhindered
by boundaries and rules,
disinhibited behaviour
scorned upon by fools.

A mess of chemical reactions
inside an aching brain,
set her pace of life
time after time again.

When broken heart depression
lays upon her soul,
to raise a head from weary bed
becomes her only goal.

When mania is her ally
she never stops to rest,
to put the world to rights
her single minded quest.

The world goes by around her
she knows that she is there,
all her life she's wondered
why fate is so unfair.






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Comments by other Members



olebut at 19:16 on 08 September 2003  Report this post
Pene

again a great poem dealing with a difficult subject but sympatheticaly and superbly done

david x

Lisa at 22:34 on 10 September 2003  Report this post
Hi Pene -

Very moving. I like the rhythm of this too... it's gentle and repetitive rythmically which adds (I think) to the emotional sense of going round and round in ones' head when in depression.

Perhaps the fifth stanza isn't needed? Just a thought, but it makes very factual statements about it being depression whereas most of the rest of this piece feels more self-conscious, which I like.

I think:

"The world goes by around her
she knows that she is there"

is fantastic. By putting it in the third person and giving the dynamic to the world not to her, emphasises her sense of being a "thing" out of control.


Wonderful writing.

Cheers.

Lisa

pene at 11:28 on 13 September 2003  Report this post
thankyou I am flattered.

peterxbrown at 11:57 on 13 September 2003  Report this post
What a moving poem. Its very strong as well as poignant. I agree that the use of third person is inspired. I love the rhythm butis "A mess of chemical reactions" a brilliant image with perhaps a couple too many syllables?

littlegypsyau at 13:18 on 13 September 2003  Report this post
oh wow...you have captured a womans hormonal heartache lol

pene at 17:43 on 15 September 2003  Report this post
thank you for all comments. maybe Peterx a mess of chemicals would fit a little better? or do you have another suggestion please? sometimes it is hard for me to drop enough of the descriptive words without feeling like I am missing the point, but as I live inside the "mess" it is sometimes hard to be a bit more objective??
hope I am making some sense??
best wishes and thanks for making the time to read and comment on my work
Pene

Tina at 19:18 on 15 September 2003  Report this post
Perhaps a storm of chemical reaction might work? Storm to indicate the disharmony inside her.

What do you think

I like the rhythm of this work.
It is neat and well focussed on this difficult subject. You have really caught the moods well.

Great.
Tinaxx

peterxbrown at 01:33 on 16 September 2003  Report this post
Hi pene, personally I prefer your "A mess of chemicals" but this option may be a syllable too short! "A chemical reaction" fits the rhythm but, as I am sure you decided already, it does not convey the "mess". I wish I was more scientific because there must be a technical word you could adapt creatively! (A chemical combustion sounds like a petrol engine- so thats no good).How about "A chemical rebellion"? It suggests a turmoil and chaos. I am glad I didn't offend you by suggesting a change. Best wishes, peterb X

p.s. I still think you could take real liberties with language, smash a few conventions to emulate bipolar affective disorder.


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