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Hurting

by hailfabio 

Posted: 14 September 2006
Word Count: 77


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Since I've been hurt,
it's so difficult to flirt.
Taking the little chances that everyone takes -
make eye contact,
a sweet smile,
few well placed touches,
perhaps a cheeky joke
and some naughty insinuations if possible.

It used to be so easy
but now the consequences seem too great.
Now slightly
too aware
of how hard it is to care
for someone like me.

Don't drunken-text use me,
it just confuses me
senses,
making me pensive.






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Comments by other Members



joanie at 22:02 on 14 September 2006  Report this post
Hi Stephen. I liked the rhyme, espcially the unexpectedness! I can fully understand the emotions here; 'Taking the little chances that everyone takes' is very perceptive!

joanie

NinaLara at 22:11 on 14 September 2006  Report this post
I very taken with the drunken-text line. I really identify with the first verse - which communicates the frustration in finding ourselves unable to trust. I also like the lines

Now slightly
too aware
of how hard it is to care


which, placed like this, seem to work very well as a verse on their own!

Nina

James Graham at 17:39 on 17 September 2006  Report this post
Hi Stephen - This poem makes a very immediate impact, it's so up-front and straightforward. But having read it a few times I still, for some reason, want it just to finish at 'someone like me'. Most of the poem reads as you talking to us, i.e. to readers generally, but the last four lines seem to speak to an unknown other person, suggesting a not very happy relationship. This last verse seems part of another poem, a glimpse of another story. This is just my own take on it, and the closing lines may be meant to connect in a way I don't see. If I've got it wrong, tell me.

James.

hailfabio at 11:17 on 18 September 2006  Report this post
For me, the last 4 lines are of the reason for the feelings described in the rest of the poem. So maybe they should go at the
start, what do you think?

Thanks
Stephen

James Graham at 19:19 on 18 September 2006  Report this post
Yes, better at the start, I think. Or maybe just the line 'Don't drunken-text use me' by itself at the beginning, then repeat it at the end with the other three lines added. (It's a line that would stand repeating!)

James.


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