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The Gentleman’s Companion (unpoetic exercise)
Posted: 14 September 2006 Word Count: 110
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We drove to Bradford to pick her up.
Madame showed us the parlour, with its high red marble mantelpiece, where the sisters danced their cage in monochrome bodies.
Released, they shot past us: torpedoes in silk stockings nipping each other’s backs.
You chose her because she had the daintiest daisy face and neat black ears.
She stumbled over us in the car on the way home and her face grew on me like a white velvet slipper
with grey pearl-button eyes. When the children have gone to bed your Bull Terrier piglet snuffles us for a nibble
and I praise my generosity for allowing this other Lady in the house.
Comments by other Members
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Nell at 14:05 on 14 September 2006
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Hi Nina,
This is delicious. Love the suggestion of the bordello in the title and those first stanzas, the lines ...her face grew on me /
like a white velvet slipper... and the way the ideas at the beginning come to fruition at the end.
One little typo - a stray apostrophy in the third line.
I can almost feel her soft little body - have you given her a name yet?
Nell.
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NinaLara at 15:44 on 14 September 2006
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Thanks Nell - for the comments and proof reading! The prose this came from was 'A Brief History' of the bull Terrier on the Bull Terrier Club web site, where it says:
The “New Bull Terrier” first appeared in its present form at a Birmingham show in May 1862. It was shown by James Hinks, a dog dealer, who is generally accepted as the original breeder of the Bull Terrier, whose family has being associated with Bull Terriers until the present day.
Hinks would no doubt have used many breeds and types of dog in his quest to breed his "Gentleman’s Companion", but it seems likely that the Bulldog, the (now extinct) English White Terrier, and the Dalmatian. were the main contributors. His preference was for a white animal and it seems that the dog fancy of that time were in agreement, as his "White Cavalier" quickly gained popularity, and was successful at the early dog shows which were rapidly becoming popular at that time.
I'm afraid my imagination ran wild having read this, so I didn't really follow the rules of the exercise very closely!
<Added>
p.S. We've called her Lottie
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joanie at 19:37 on 14 September 2006
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Hi Nina. I'm not sure whether this is better with the prose first, before reading, or after. By the time I read this, you had already replied to Nell, so I have more insight. I love it. I could go through and substitute 'Menabilly, farmyard, etc. etc and I'm back there. The emotions and descriptions come across beautifully and I love the last line, especially the capital L.
I echo Nell's gorgeous.
Joan
<Added>
Sorry! - Nell's delicious!
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NinaLara at 11:05 on 15 September 2006
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Thanks Joanie! I'm glad I've done little Lottie justice (though she's not so little now!)
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Nell at 14:03 on 16 September 2006
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Joan, Nina, am I missing a literary reference? I associate Menabilly with Daphne du Maurier/Rebecca? but where does the farmyard come in?
Nell.
<Added>
And Lottie is a perfect name!
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joanie at 14:53 on 16 September 2006
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Sorry, Nell. It's a long story ...... no, it isn't a literary reference, it's far more inportant!
We were on holiday about 20 years ago in Cornwall. We parked the car in the farmer's field and walked through the farmyard at Menabilly towards the beach. There was a blackboard with 'Collie pups for sale'. Our young daughter was desperate for us to have one and I insisited that it was totally and utterly impossible. On our return from the beach, my husband asked the farmer if they were border collies; he said "Come and have a look."
Here the story ends. We had Ben (or 'Big Boy' as the farmer's children called him) for 15 fantastic years.
....and Menabilly is now very close to my heart. We saw the gulls swooping after the tractor there, which is exactly what inspired Daphne du Maurier's short story, 'The Birds', which was, of course, made into the Hitchcock film.
Joan
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Nell at 15:46 on 16 September 2006
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Joan, thanks. They steal our hearts, but give theirs so willingly in return.
Nell.
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Xenny at 14:35 on 19 September 2006
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Hey Nina,
I thought I'd already commented, but I must have just thought to but not written anything. It's a lovely poem. The image of 'torpedoes in silk stockings' is particularly perfect!
Xenny
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Okkervil at 20:23 on 20 September 2006
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Heh, this has a wonderful wry smile to it, not tripped up by sloppy phrasing, or looseness of any particular sort. I doubt I'd find anything to change even if I squunt very closely at it. Enjoyed it muchly!
Hm!
James
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Elsie at 19:42 on 22 September 2006
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Nina - this is probably not a particularly helpful comment - but I'm chuckling at myself - by stanza 2 I was still convinced these were some kind of birds - and heard myself say aloud 'ears?' (I've been working too hard!) From then it was ooh and aah all the way. Very nice.
<Added>
Maybe it was because I thought the cage was ON the mantelpiece, Duh. It wouldn't fit, would it?
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