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by Felmagre 

Posted: 05 September 2003
Word Count: 304

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Orwellian cities in a democratic land,
as police patrol our cities...
carrying pepper sprays and batons.
Of course, there's tear gas;
stun guns and bullets....
should, the situation warrant.
Yet,even in their absence,
there's still the camera's eye.
Reducing crime, to keep us safe,
at least, that's what we're told.
And now of course, the perfect plause
to have them watching us
are the immigrants and terrorists
roaming freely round our streets.

Technology, of course,
helped bring about this state
to make this island nation,
a land of covert spies.
More cameras' per head it seems
are fixed in rural streets
than Leningrad, or China;
those hidden, secret lands.

So why do we believe the hype,
that cameras cut down crime
when official figures on a page
disprove this wide spread myth.
Of course; it's all about statistics;
as politicians know.
Figures, can be read in different ways.
So, what is the purpose then,
of spying from the sky?
Is it one wonders, to control
this island's, population?

Not satisfied there's moves afoot,
to bring in ID cards,
with fingerprints and microchips
and pictures of our person.
More fearsome though,
a national data-base
of fingerprints and DNA
for the innocent and guilty.

One wonders where this all will end;
this purge on liberty.
Will we, continue, do you think,
to swallow all we're told.
Though, shouldn't we ask questions,
such as why: so many eyes
and who decides and what is done
with the data that's collected.
For freedom in this land of ours
is limited enough.
Be warned, this prize,
could cost our blood our lives.
Do we, really, want to surrender it,
to those behind the eyes ?
If not, may I suggest
we think to ask some questions,
perhaps, we'll understand then,
why, in this democratic land....
were're under, such, surveillance.

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Comments by other Members

Account Closed at 20:24 on 06 September 2003  Report this post
Very spikey, this one - loved the energy behind it. You might want to trim some of the words down, eg adverbs, to make it even punchier. As I was reading it, I did wonder whether it would be a good performance poem with 2 voices, one with questions and one with "seeming answers"??? - don't know whether this is a good idea or not, or whether it can be done within the actual text somehow? The ideas the piece contains are a warning for us all, certainly.

Anne B

Felmagre at 20:55 on 06 September 2003  Report this post
Thank you anne, I must admit I put this one up for comment as I was aware there was something not quite right with it, but was not sure where the problem lay. I Will take another look at the adverbs. Your comments are helpful. Interesting, thought about performace, two voices, had not thought of that. Again, thatn you for taking the time and making the effort to comment, truly is much appreciated.

Felmagre at 09:37 on 07 September 2003  Report this post
Hello again, Anne.B I have made a few adjustments, adverbs etc and would like to thank you for your input. I am inclined to think it reads a little better.

Thank you again for your constructive comments. Much apprecaited.

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