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Mop men

by Tarocko1 

Posted: 05 September 2003
Word Count: 2058
Summary: It is about a group of cleaners in a hospital

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(Opens on an old car driving in to a hospital. He parks in the staff parking lot and a small man gets out of the old ford festa and enters the hospital. He walks up the stairs and in the cleaners staff room. It is a bizzey place with people pushing and pulling to get to the reception.
In the cleaners staff room are three people the oldest one gets up and talks to him.

Mr Davis = “Hi there, Its Jay right.

Jay = “Yes that’s right”

Mr Davis = “Let me be the one to say welcome here at care today Hospital”

(It does a close up on Jay’s face and there’s a voice over and its Jay talking his tilling you what’s going on)

Jay = “Ok it is a nice place and the people are very nice I just may stay here”

(Mr Davis is still talking to him but his not listening to him)

Jay = “Ok Jay better speak before they thick your not listening”

Mr Davis = “Ok son one thing don’t never come like that again because people don’t know that you work here and they may call the cops if your cleaning the pill store, and you don’t what that.

(Jay looks at him for a bit them answers because he was not listening)

Jay = “Yes”

(Mr Davis looks at him and then speaks)

Mr Davis = “Ok as you know am Mr Davis”

Jay = “yes nice to meet you in person”

(They shake hands)

Mr Davis = “And the one sitting down on the sofa is Shawn”

(Shawn stands up and walks out of the room and nudges his shoulder on the way out)

(It all stops and there’s a voice over again)

Jay = “Ok did you see that am going to have a hard time with this guy. If I knew what I know now I would have had the boxing gloves out”

(It cuts to a boxing match with Jay and Shawn a referee comes in to the ring and is ready to start the fight when theirs a man talking to the crowd)

Announcer = “And in the red corner is the new guy Jay”

(The crowd boos him and throws fruit at him)

Announcer = “And in the Blue corner is an Irish man how as beaten up more people then Bruce lee is Shawn the killer Cleaner”

(The crowd cheers and throws fruit at Jay again)

Ref. = “Fight”

(Shawn runs at jay and hits him in the face. Then it goes back to the Staff room)

Jay = “Or maybe not. Hi why did I get beat up in my dream”

(It starts up and Shawn walks out. The other one walks up to him)

Randy = “Don’t worry about him, am Randy”

(They shake hands)

Mr Davis = “Oh this is my son”

Jay = “Oh Father and son”

Mr Davis = “Yes but I worn you now don’t bring your girl friend here or this man will steel her on you”

(Davis laughs and jay laughs to)

Randy = “Dad for the last time am gay”

Mr Davis = “Ok son what ever you say”

(Randy walks out of the room pushing past Jay)

Mr Davis = “That boy is one joker “

(Jay looks at Mr Davis oddly)

Jay = “Yes”

(It stops again)

Jay = “Ok maybe this place is not the best but ill give it ago”

(It all starts again Mr Davis hands Jay a brown coat to wear and a mop)

Mr Davis = “Ok your o sick watch every time some on is sick you go clean it”

Jay = “Ok but how do I now”

Mr Davis = “It gets said over the speakers”

(It cuts to a man in bed and an old nurse walks in and drops her clipboard and when she’s bends over to pick it up and the man in bed she her vagas veins and it makes him sick over the side of his bed. She sees the man being sick and she goes over and pushes the button with sick written on it.
It cuts to the reception desk and a red flashing red button goes off and a woman gets up and runs to out side the reception and whispers to a nurse and she tells a doctor how writes a note and gives it to a dog. Who runs it to the hospital DJ? .

(It cuts back to Jay and Davis when there’s a voice over the speakers)

Voice = “There’s a clean up job in the hospital somewhere”

(Cuts back to the DJ)

DJ = “And I will tell you when I get the peace of paper of the dog”

(It shows you the dog with the paper in its mouth and the dog is growling)

DJ = “Give me the place of Paper”

(Cuts back to Jay and Mr Davis. The voice over the speakers is still taking)

Voice = “Ok dog”

(You here the dog attacking the man)


Mr Davis = “See on you go”

Jay = “Ok and what time do I stop”

Mr Davis = “6:00 am tomorrow”

Jay = “Oh were 24 cleaners”

Mr Davis = “Just ones on sick watch”

(Cuts to Jay cleaning up sick with his mop when a doctor comes up to him)

Doctor Palmer = “I need your help to move a body”

(Jay doesn’t know if he is talking to him so he turn’s around)

Jay = “Sorry you talking to me”

Doctor Palmer = “Sorry am Doc Palmer and I need you to help me lift some one”

Jay = “Ok doc”

(Palmer grabs Jay by the throat)

Doc Palmer = “I did not go throw 5 years of school to be called doc ok Its doctor Palmer to you”

(Palmer lets him go)

Jay = “Ok, ok am sorry”

(Shawn walks in with a vase and puts it on a table)

Shawn = “Doc I see you’ve meant the new guy”

Doc Palmer = “Oh hi Shawn, yes we were just talking”

Shawn = “Oh doc are you going to the pub tonight”

Doc Palmer = “Cup final are you mad, of course I will be there “

(Shawn walks out of the room. But before we walk’s out of the room Jay talks)

Jay = “Football I love football, can I come”

(Shawn laughs and walks out of the room)

Jay = “I take that as a no”

Doc Palmer = “Come on I need a lift”

(Palmer walks out of the room and Jay follows him in the next room. They go up to a man in bed, there’s a troy beside him)

Doc Palmer = “Ok on”

(Palmer grubs him by the head)

Jay = “What are you doing you’ll hurt him”

(Jay touches his legs to left him softy)

Palmer = “I don’t thick he will care to much, his dead”

Jay = “What”

(It all stops again they Jay voices over)

Jay = “Oh my god his dead, dead. No one told me that would have to see or touch dead people like come on. I bet that bastard did that on purpose”

(It cuts to Jay in a shower)

Jay = “I have been touched by death”

(Jay walks out of the shower. He is in the staff room showers and he see that theirs a sun bed in the corner of the room)

Jay = “Well I am on sick clean up, I wee bit of sun would do no harm”

(He sets it for an hour then he gets in the sun bed)

(45 minutes later)

(Voice threw the speaker)

Voice = “Sick clean up on the first floor”

(Jay gets out and puts his stuff on and he is walking oddly.
Goes out the door and randy bumps in to him)

Randy = “oh sorry”

Jay = “It’s ok”

(Jay walks of. But he is still walking odd)

Randy = “Jay what’s wrong with you”

(Jay turns around and looks at Randy)

Jay =”Oh I was on the sun bed and I, I”

Randy = “You”

(Jay walks up to Randy and speak quietly)

Jay = “I was on the sun bed and I brunt my, you know”

Randy = “Your back”

Jay = “No my”

(Jay looks down)

Randy = “Oh, oh I see”

(Jay goes to walk off when Randy starts talking)

Randy = “Oh Jay, once that happened to me but I was on a nudist beach and I fall asleep and do you know what is the best thing for it is”

Jay = “No”

Randy = “Cream”

Jay = “What like you have on fruits, I mean fruit not you”

(Randy looks at him and then continues)

Randy = “Yes you should try that”

Jay = “Thanks I will”

(Jay walks off with his bucket and mop)

(It cuts to Shawn, bending over to tie his shoes when you see Randy waking behind him. Shawn looks around and sees him and very fast, turns around and puts his hands on his ass)

Randy = “Clam down you homophobe not every gay mans after you”

Shawn = “Stay back man, or girl”

Randy = “What, listen am going down to the shops do you what anything”

Shawn = “Oh am some fairy cakes and a woman’s mag I love reading the problem pages”

(Shawn takes a £5 out of his pocket and hands it to Randy)

Randy = “Are you aware that I am the gay one”

Shawn = “What I like cake and I like to read what’s gay about that, And there it is every straight man must be gay”

Randy = “No every straight guy thinks that every man is gay”

(Randy walks off. Cuts to Jay in the kids ward cleaning the floor.
Randy walks towards him)

Randy = “Jay am away to the shops and I will get you some cream ok”

Jay = “Ok thanks”

(Randy has a news paper in his hand and hits Jay in the balls with it)


(The kids start laughing at him)

Randy = “Still sore”

(Jay talks under his breath)

Jay = “Yes still a bit sore”

Randy = “Ok see you later”

(Cuts to Shawn and Doc Palmer in the staff room, making fake sic)

Shawn = “It’s to red”

Doc Palmer = “Its fine”

Shawn = “Are you sure”

Doc Palmer = “And I am to drop this all over the floor, throw the night”

Shawn = “Yes”

Doc Palmer = “Cool”

(A nurse walks in to the room. Shawn hides the bowl of fake sick)

Palmer = “Hi Lynda, Just on shift”

Lynda = “Yes and Palmer am up here”

(Palmer is just looking at her chest)

Palmer = “Are you”

(She did not like that)

Lynda = “God. Men”

(She walks out of the room)

Palmer = “Shawn I have asked her out 20 times and she still says no”

Shawn = “She must be a lesbian”

Palmer =”She must be, like why else would she not go out with me”

(Cuts to Randy in a shop with a basket with small buns, a mag and sweets. He goes over to the fridge and takes out a tub of cream and reads the back)

Randy = “Ha, ha”

(He puts it in the basket. He stands in line to pay for his goods when a little old woman cuts in front of the person in front of him)

Randy = “Can you believe that”

(He pokes the man in front of him in the back. He turns around to him)

Randy = “Can you believe that”

(The man in front turns back around because he does not care)

Randy = “Fine”

(6 minutes later)

(Randy is paying for the goods and the woman at the counter starts to talk to him)

Woman = “That cream has so much fat to it”

Randy = “Oh it’s for my mate dick”

(She looks at him)

(Randy packs the things in his bag)

Randy = “When I said dick I met my mates cat Richard”

Will that is a part, from the frist of mop men. And i hope you liked it

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Comments by other Members

viky7258 at 11:05 on 06 September 2003  Report this post
Kinda reminds me of 'Scrubs' on Sky one in places, but overall quite good.

I will say one thing though you might want to run it through Microsoft word as it'll smooth out most of your spelling errors and grammar problems too. Don't mean to sound harsh, its just there are quite a lot of errors in there, but the content is good.

Anna Reynolds at 20:11 on 13 September 2003  Report this post
Ian- have a look at the exercise I've set- 200 words on a sound and what it might bring to mind. I've kept the exercises in this group deliberately short on word counts, partly so that I can be sure I'll have time to comment and also as a discipline. Also, your piece posted here is obviously either stage or screen, isn't it? so it might be a good idea to join one of those groups as well and then you'll get feedback on work in that medium. It's quite an amusing piece, Jay's character and his bewilderment is well drawn. This is part 1- have you finished the entire piece? and have you thought about where it's going, is it part of a bigger story?

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