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Wk22 - The Keeper

by apsara 

Posted: 27 August 2006
Word Count: 105

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It's lonely here
but there's comfort in the light
panning across the sea.
There's time to think
and time to contemplate
who I am
and who I might have been.
The clouds are horses
galloping or sheep
driven by an unseen shepherd.
Waves like tears
are gems to capture
and store in polished boxes.
Or evil spirits
to quell with magic.
I choose to let them pass.
Their destination never,
their purpose unknown,
they can push a man to shore
or pull him under,
buoy up or sink a ship.
I let them be,
my job to watch only,
to understand, not staunch, the sea.

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Comments by other Members

paul53 [for I am he] at 08:57 on 28 August 2006  Report this post
Despite my current and seemingly long-term mental enervation, I found this curiously moving, as if you had placed a finger on a large beached whale and found the vital pulse.
who I am
and who I might have been
sums up those moments we stand and stare and consider - driven not by the expectations of others but some inner image we cannot recall building. Great stuff.

joanie at 09:32 on 28 August 2006  Report this post
Hi, apsara. I don't often comment on the weekly Flash Poetry posts because I'm not directly involved, although I often read them.

I really enjoyed this and the way you had unobtrusively used the line. The images of the waves especially are wonderful. I particularly liked
I choose to let them pass.
Their destination never,
their purpose unknown,

The rhyme of the last lines and the final summing up there is excellent. I wondered if it might be smoother as
I let them be,
my job only to watch,
to understand, not staunch, the sea.

I think you have done this very well as an exercise but have created a fantastic poem from it.



Beanie Baby at 12:13 on 28 August 2006  Report this post
You have really done justice to my suggested line and the resulting piece of work is brilliant. It does have a kind of soft sadness to it - a longing maybe for what might have been if the circumstances had been more favourable! I love the feeling it gave me about the sea and brought to mind an evening on holiday two years ago, when my husband and I stood against a sea wall in Devon and watched as the darkness of the night stole down until all that was visible was a few twinkling trawler lights.

I really like this poem and send you my warmest wishes.

apsara at 02:42 on 29 August 2006  Report this post
Thanks to all of you for your comments. I've been a bit at sea with my poetry due to changes in my life & your feedback makes me think I am beginning to get back on course.
I love the way the random lines send me in new directions - this really did come from nowhere - after all, I am in Nepal - quite a long way from the sea!

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