Drowning (Unpoetic exercise)
by joanie
Posted: 25 August 2006 Word Count: 317 Summary: I wasn't totally sure how to deal with this so I have posted the original prose, taken from Sawday's 'Special Places to Stay: French Bed and Breakfast' plus the same text, lineated, and my own version. |
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Final Version
We spin our way
as this house draws us
unresisting
into its embraces.
We feel the breath
of its books
its music
its art.
Richard's book shop in Angers
forms his memories, colours his outlook;
he charms us with his wicked smile.
Florence's studio entices us
to return next year
and book an art course.
The ancient stones warm us
until we are basking
on the rocks
ready to
slip
into
the depths
when the colours engulf us.
We drown in raspberries crushed in lime juice
washed by sunshine.
Refreshed, we surface,
climb up to the enormous attic
where we drown again
in Florence's water colours.
Original, re-lineated
Unbroken views of the countryside
and not a whisper of the 21st century.
The austere topiaried spinning-tops
flanking the drive belie
the warm, sunny rooms ahead.
This house breathes books, music and art.
Richard, who once had a book shop in Angers,
is charming and funny.
Florence runs art courses from home.
Built on the ramparts
of the old fortified village,
the house has a ‘hanging’ garden
whose beds are themed with colour.
More in the house
crushed raspberry
lime green
sunny yellow
The attic suite
ideal for families
is big enough to hold a Russian billiard table and Florence’s charming water colours.
Original
Unbroken views of the countryside, and not a whisper of the 21st century. The austere topiaried spinning-tops flanking the drive belie the warm, sunny rooms ahead. This house breathes books, music and art. Richard, who once had a book shop in Angers, is charming and funny. Florence runs art courses from home. Built on the ramparts of the old fortified village, the house has a ‘hanging’ garden whose beds are themed with colour. More in the house: crushed raspberry, lime green, sunny yellow. The attic suite, ideal for families, is big enough to hold a Russian billiard table and Florence’s charming water colours.
We spin our way
as this house draws us
unresisting
into its embraces.
We feel the breath
of its books
its music
its art.
Richard's book shop in Angers
forms his memories, colours his outlook;
he charms us with his wicked smile.
Florence's studio entices us
to return next year
and book an art course.
The ancient stones warm us
until we are basking
on the rocks
ready to
slip
into
the depths
when the colours engulf us.
We drown in raspberries crushed in lime juice
washed by sunshine.
Refreshed, we surface,
climb up to the enormous attic
where we drown again
in Florence's water colours.
Original, re-lineated
Unbroken views of the countryside
and not a whisper of the 21st century.
The austere topiaried spinning-tops
flanking the drive belie
the warm, sunny rooms ahead.
This house breathes books, music and art.
Richard, who once had a book shop in Angers,
is charming and funny.
Florence runs art courses from home.
Built on the ramparts
of the old fortified village,
the house has a ‘hanging’ garden
whose beds are themed with colour.
More in the house
crushed raspberry
lime green
sunny yellow
The attic suite
ideal for families
is big enough to hold a Russian billiard table and Florence’s charming water colours.
Original
Unbroken views of the countryside, and not a whisper of the 21st century. The austere topiaried spinning-tops flanking the drive belie the warm, sunny rooms ahead. This house breathes books, music and art. Richard, who once had a book shop in Angers, is charming and funny. Florence runs art courses from home. Built on the ramparts of the old fortified village, the house has a ‘hanging’ garden whose beds are themed with colour. More in the house: crushed raspberry, lime green, sunny yellow. The attic suite, ideal for families, is big enough to hold a Russian billiard table and Florence’s charming water colours.
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