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I am whom I am

by ravin_hari 

Posted: 04 September 2003
Word Count: 105


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Dark not by pigment but by working conditions
Thin not by birth but by overnight hunger pangs
NaÔve not by nature but by trying circumstances
Unafraid not by inheritance but by bruises and cuts
Viced not by habit but by pervasive-problems-induced escapism
Respected not by example but by ruthless machinations
Ambitious not by growth but by on the road rawness
Prosperous not by society but by being cunningly selfish
Loved not by family but by unscythable blood ties
Triumph personified not by dreams but by nightmares
Alive not by fate but by design
Happy not by Godís grace but by being what I am now,today






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Comments by other Members



Anna Reynolds at 16:05 on 25 September 2003  Report this post
Ravin, this is strong stuff. 'Loved not by family but by unscyathable blood ties' is particularly good. I wondered about the line 'Viced not by habit but by...' because in comparison to the rest, it felt awkward; maybe because the language you use elsewhere is strong, uncompromising, not explaining but stating. The first two lines are particularly impressive.

Ioannou at 19:50 on 25 September 2003  Report this post
The ending is almost unexpected because there is so much almost corrosive hate throughout the poem and then at the end it's about accepting yourself. I liked the repetition, the rhythm. I agree with Anna on the viced line. Can you be viced? I am not sure. Look forward to next one. Love, Maria.

Account Closed at 19:20 on 29 September 2003  Report this post
I enjoy this kind of poetry very much. Dark, yet with a powerful message at the end. Its a very evocative description of free will. 'Alive not by fate but by design'. I loved it. James

paul53 [for I am he] at 13:51 on 01 March 2005  Report this post
An excellent piece.
My only tweaks would alter "pervasive-problems-induced" to "pervasive problem-induced" as the escapism [result] is problem-induced [which inherently implies more than one base problem, otherwise it might have been already cured] and pervasive is the frequency, not part of the base problem[s].
Also, last line could stand as "what I am today" which is just as strong.

toecampbell at 19:23 on 07 July 2007  Report this post
A powerful and emotive poem. A good rhythm and enjoyable to read aloud.


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