Mournful Delights
Posted: 31 March 2003
Word Count: 68
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Mournful Delights
Glossy, glossy, with false prophecy,
What’s behind this strange philosophy?
A money making scam, decisively had
Nurtured and born of a business plan.
Produced by misuse, aired and well shared,
Do you know what tempts your glare?
Abandon their visions, in hell they’ll revolt
Keeping their heads up afloat.
So protect your eyes and ears alike,
Do not subscribe to these mournful delights.
Copyright© Lauren Paige7/8/02
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 James Graham at 19:36 on 02 April 2003
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Hi, Lauren. Welcome to the group. 'Mournful Delights' - there's a vigorous use of language in this poem, especially in the sound-patterns of assonance (glossy, prophecy; aired and well shared, etc) and half-rhymes. One or two lines I'm not sure about - in the third line, for example, 'decisively had' seems weak in meaning, and 'had' doesn't even make a half-rhyme. How about a new line, ending in 'scam', which gives you the half-rhyme with 'plan'? 'Keeping their heads up afloat' is the other line that puzzles me. Maybe you could explain. Also, would 'stare' be better than 'glare'? More passive?
Half-rhymes and sound-echoes are very appropriate to the content of this poem, and its questioning tone. Do you use this technique in other poems? Just on the basis of these few lines, I imagine you could use it very effectively.
Let me know what you think.
James.
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