Login   Sign Up 



 
Archive » Hendrix » Work
Archive »  Poetry » General » Work

Mournful Delights

by Hendrix 

Posted: 31 March 2003
Word Count: 68
Font Size
 


Printable Version
Print Double spaced


Mournful Delights

Glossy, glossy, with false prophecy,
What’s behind this strange philosophy?
A money making scam, decisively had
Nurtured and born of a business plan.
Produced by misuse, aired and well shared,
Do you know what tempts your glare?
Abandon their visions, in hell they’ll revolt
Keeping their heads up afloat.
So protect your eyes and ears alike,
Do not subscribe to these mournful delights.

Copyright© Lauren Paige7/8/02







Favourite this work Favourite This Author


Comments by other Members



James Graham at 19:36 on 02 April 2003  Report this post
Hi, Lauren. Welcome to the group. 'Mournful Delights' - there's a vigorous use of language in this poem, especially in the sound-patterns of assonance (glossy, prophecy; aired and well shared, etc) and half-rhymes. One or two lines I'm not sure about - in the third line, for example, 'decisively had' seems weak in meaning, and 'had' doesn't even make a half-rhyme. How about a new line, ending in 'scam', which gives you the half-rhyme with 'plan'? 'Keeping their heads up afloat' is the other line that puzzles me. Maybe you could explain. Also, would 'stare' be better than 'glare'? More passive?

Half-rhymes and sound-echoes are very appropriate to the content of this poem, and its questioning tone. Do you use this technique in other poems? Just on the basis of these few lines, I imagine you could use it very effectively.

Let me know what you think.

James.
Read the WriteWords interview with James Graham
Helpful (0) Made Me Think (0) Made Me Smile (0) Pure Genius (0)


To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .

 






Other work by Hendrix:      ...view all work by Hendrix