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Somewhere, something stutters

by Earl 

Posted: 08 August 2006
Word Count: 94
Summary: New, but harks back to a series of poems about self discovery and deppresion

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In a field of broken flowers
i'm picking at my dreams
searching for the remnants of reality it seems
whilst somewhere, something stutters
and freefalls into view

It's you.

In a field of broken flowers
where the poppies petals lay
rejoicing in their brokeness
they turn from red to grey,
countless pieces of me mournful
passing silently away

In the greeness of her eyes.

Whilst somewhere, something stutters
in a chaste and mindful wind
sending fairies in their multitude
my paitient wishful kin
under blue sky and in olive fields

To find myself again.

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Comments by other Members

paul53 [for I am he] at 15:27 on 10 August 2006  Report this post
Hi Earl,
It's been a while.
I have to say I was - and still am - totally distracted by the wonderful rhythm and cadence of the first stanza. So much so that I was kind of hoping for it to be perfectly echoed in the second and third verses. I found this expectation meant I kept skimming over the actual words in the other verses, which is a shame.
While we don't necessarily want to be bound by a set structure - even to twisting our words out of shape and original meaning to better fit the rhythm - the flow of the first stanza certainly added such depth [even, dare I say, gravitas] to the words that I wonder if a careful rewrite of stanza 2 and 3 would turn a good poem into a great one?

Earl at 22:03 on 10 August 2006  Report this post

You may indeed be right on this one paul. I was trying for a disconected, disjointed feeling in the latter stanza's as the title suggests, but may have gone too far...Will work at a rewrite and see what pops up.


Earl at 22:40 on 10 August 2006  Report this post

As always I read it and feel nothing then come to associate the meaning again. will take a few more reads to have the same sensation as the first draft, but not bad.

writer_in_motion at 21:06 on 23 February 2009  Report this post
I find your work to be quite potent and readable. I like the lone lines I find they have a different tone to them, the ryming scheme sets the mood for the tones to be heard.

Earl at 06:51 on 25 February 2009  Report this post

Thanks for the comment ollie. Only just rejoined the site so hoping for some new material inspiration will post something soon

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