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by The Walrus 

Posted: 01 August 2006
Word Count: 56

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Walk... walk with me now
it matters little to where
just walk... walk with me now.

Run... run with me now
it doesn’t matter for how long
just run... run with me now.

Fly... fly with me now
not later, now
it is irrelevant what we leave behind
what's ahead...
just fly... fly with me.

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Comments by other Members

Okkervil at 12:00 on 02 August 2006  Report this post
Hmm, this is striking! I thought there was a menace, courtesy of those little full-stops, that one feels oughtn't to be there given the initial supposed breathless excitement of the developing relationship. The impetuous hold of one over the other, as more and more is asked, becomes quite vivid. I don't think it needs the comma after 'it matters little,' but apart from that, this is terribly effective, all the more so because without the punctuation it might be so much more ambiguous. So one is still aware of alternate interpretaions, but is a little inclined to dismiss them. Hm.



The Walrus at 19:38 on 02 August 2006  Report this post
James, I think you are right but what can I say? I'm a punctuation junky! Have peversely substituted the offending fullstops for more fullstops. I feel this lends a certain fluidity to the piece non? I have removed the extraneous imposter of a comma and just generally re-jigged it in a vain attempt to morph it into a passable piece of what could laughably be described as 'poetry'.



Okkervil at 19:40 on 02 August 2006  Report this post
Oh no! Did I not get across how much I liked it before!? 'Cos I did like it! The only thing I thought was out of place was the comma! But did I misinterpret it? Sorry for not being more clear Ms. Walrus



The Walrus at 19:44 on 02 August 2006  Report this post
James, how remiss of me not to thank you for your kind comments, which, I feel, were entirely valid and instrumental in prompting me to edit.

Thank you. Most kind.


joanie at 21:57 on 02 August 2006  Report this post
Hi Christina. I read the first version but hadn't commented when I came to re-read and found it had changed! The two might have the same words but they are very different poems. Version 2 is much slower and calmer; the loss of all the full stops, capitals and short 'sentences' has made it a much quieter piece. Did you also change 'it doesn't matter' to 'it is irrelevant'? ...or am I imagining that? I prefer not to have the repetition.

I think they both have the same impact, however. I liked the sense of urgency of the first and the imploring tone of the second. The last word, standing alone, is effective.

Enjoyable read!


The Walrus at 20:18 on 06 August 2006  Report this post
Hi Joanie. You have a good memory, I did change 'it doesn't matter' to 'it is irrelevant' for the reason you state.

Thanks for commenting.


Plagious at 20:01 on 10 August 2006  Report this post
Punctuation works perfectly.

The mood and motion of the piece is one of escape - the acceleration of movement reaching a crescendo - to escape, to be free? To run where most do not dare, to challenge, to provoke. But then to be alone if one goes to far ahead?

Simple, but sublime. P

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