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Irony
Posted: 28 July 2006
Word Count: 75
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The dark shinyness
of brand new poetry,
like the smell of a showroom car.
Poems don't have to be factual,
they don't even have to be actual
poems.
Reality is, writing breeds writing and
violence breeds violence.
The children that survive these terrors
may well be the soldier's of tomorrow.
Terrorising their own children.
Terrorising their own fathers.
Terrifying their own mothers.
My words will still be here and so will the irony.
Both lost.
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Comments by other Members
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 Elsie at 14:16 on 30 July 2006
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Hi Stephen
This feels like it's been written in response to something I've missed, or perhaps that's the point - that I'm missing something. I think I need to know something about what you're trying to say, to be able to comment. I'm finding the jump from wiring about poetry to violence tricky to compute.
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 Okkervil at 17:13 on 31 July 2006
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I like this, it's very provocative, the jutting chin in particular of the last couple of lines. Perhaps a little like Elsie, I felt like there was a point at which I ought to have got the gist, but it passed me by. I like the tone, but the very last line made me blush, I'm afraid.
A note on the writing- I thought maybe there might be an alternative to the rather awkward-sounding (and made up?) word 'shinyness'. Jus' it catches a little, placed on the first line as it is.
Still, I'm intrigued.
Bye!
James
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hailfabio at 17:30 on 31 July 2006
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Thanks for commenting.
I have to say I'm not completely sure why i connected writing with violence, but its along the lines of me thinking about the children caught up in wars and all the words that are written about it - chances are that the children of soldiers will be the soldiers of the next war and the children of writers will be writing about the next war.
The irony is that the words are lost to those that need to understand them the most because the people fighting and people writing know no different.
Hope that makes sense.
Stephen
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 James Graham at 10:24 on 01 August 2006
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I'm a bit late with this comment, but I wanted to say about this poem that I didn't see any problem juxtaposing writing and fighting in the way you do. Your explanation in your comment above just confirmed what I had thought. The last two lines especially make perfect sense - 'My words' (and all the poetry against war and prose reporting war) will still exist, but at the same time, as you say, they will be 'lost', the fighters and the writers equally unaware of the irony in what they do. In a sense, poetry exists the way great ideas exist. The idea of 'peace' exists in the mind but so far not in reality. In future, in the words of your poem, 'peace' will no doubt 'still be here', but at the same time it will be 'lost'.
I messed about with the poem, leaving out quite a few lines to see if the basic idea about writing and violence could be sharpened up. For me this tighter version works better, but I'm sure you'll think it would have been better left alone! I've also suggested a new title - I don't know if it's appropriate, or if you were thinking of the 'present war' in Lebanon when you wrote the poem.
Trying to write about the present war
The dark shinyness
of brand new poetry,
like the smell of a showroom car.
Writing breeds writing and
violence breeds violence.
The children that survive these terrors
will be the soldiers of tomorrow.
My words will still be here and so will the irony.
Both lost. |
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James.
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hailfabio at 11:25 on 01 August 2006
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Thanks for commenting James.
I'm glad you got the ideas, as you accurately describe them, in this poem. But I thought u would because it's similar to your current piece of work.
As poets we often grasp at ideals because the sometimes appeal more than gritty reality, and certainly for me - I think my words are right and can make a difference to the world, but that's probably because I'm young and learning the trade. Poetry is art and can make people feel good and enthuse them, but can it change someone? I don't know.
I do things everyday that contradicts what I write about but life is spontanious, not written on paper. Poetry can help us savour/even understand life but not live it.
Your stripped down version certainly gets the messages over a lot clearer.
Cheers
Stephen
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