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The Hot Life

by NinaLara 

Posted: 23 July 2006
Word Count: 348
Summary: I've had another go!


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The Hot Life


Hot feet
burn tracks
up back field
to top allotments

where cabbages pant
peas cook on stems
and tomatoes need liberating
from greenhouses.

The dust is thirsty
for mangoes and coffee.


Our garden
is new to us and we
haven’t got a key.

I peek past
railway sleepers
barbed wire
and sawn-off garage doors

into a plot
of unnatural boundaries

like the straight borders
of an African State.

Hot of the interior
forges tall grasses
to pokers that stir the sky.

Neighbouring protectorates
have arsenals
of upturned cider bottles

that mirage to ice-lollies on sticks,
clonking at crop theft
like Lake Malawi
up-under coupled canoes.


My daughter
sleeps in her pram,
a star éclair
seeking breath of air.

I extend her parasol
with muslin squares

mindful of my garden in Luwinga
with turquoise lizards,
bananas and poinsettia

and wonder
how much hot
she will need to know.


I close my eyes
and feel the white touch
of the slight breeze.





Version 1

Words for Hot


What sort of hot
snaps the lawn underfoot?

Blanches English flowers
to shades of can’t be bothered?

Drains the sky
to half-hearted blue?

Cabbages pant,
peas cook on the stem,
tomatoes need liberating
from greenhouses:

the gardens are thirsty
for bougainvillea.


Our allotment
is new to us and we
haven’t got a key

so I peek past
railway sleepers
barbed wire
and sawn off garage doors

into a plot
of unnatural boundaries

like the straight borders
of an African State.

What sort of hot
of the interior
doesn’t bend tall grasses

but forges them to pokers
that stir the air?

The neighbouring protectorates
have arsenals
of upturned cider bottles




that mirage to ice-lollies on sticks,
clunking at crop theft
like the Mediterranean
under a pedalo.


My daughter
in her pram
is in the swing
of her siesta

I extend her parasol
with muslin squares

mindful of my garden in Luwinga
with turquoise lizards,
bananas and poinsettia

and wonder
how many sorts of hot
she will need to learn.

I close my eyes
and feel white,
close to the slight breeze.












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Comments by other Members



joanie at 12:56 on 23 July 2006  Report this post
Hi Nina. The thoughts and images in this are excellent. I love the opening questions and almost feel like I could happily stop there! The repeated idea of 'can't be bothered' and half-hearted blue' is brilliant.

I like the picture of the allotment and the 'unnatural boundaries/like the straight borders/of an African State', then the continuation of it with 'protectorates' and 'arsenals/of upturned cider bottles'

I do like the change of scene in the final five stanzas.
in the swing
of her siesta
is exactly where I would like to be right now!

I like the references to Luwinga; (I haven't yet googled, but I shall!) and the plants and animals - just enough, not too much.

I just wonder if the last stanza is needed; I felt happier left wondering........

I enjoyed this very much.

joanie



NinaLara at 15:23 on 23 July 2006  Report this post
Dear Joanie - thanks for your comments. My feeling is that this poem needs some jiggling. I could probably loose quite a few lines but am not sure which ones should go.

Nina

Tina at 07:26 on 24 July 2006  Report this post
Hi Nina

There are a lot of images here swirling around in the heat of the moment - it is impressive that anyone can write at all in this mind numbing swelter we have been experiencing! Certainly you have conveyed the hotness and its impact on vegetation and human alike.

I like the idea of types of heat - degrees of hotness - its a very interesting starting point for writing about any subject and you have used it well here.

I particularly like the poem from the point:

Our allotment
is new to us and we
haven’t got a key

as it seems to move up a gear and onto another frontier of meaning and then the closing stanzas from the 'My daughter' lines frame the work really well. I think you might almost play with the idea of starting the poem from the 'allotment' point and see what it looks like? Being a gardener I can sympathise with the poor plants in this heat too.

Thanks I really enjoyed this
Tina

Brian Aird at 08:20 on 24 July 2006  Report this post
It says your region is 'Northern', is it as hot as here? North Hampshire by the way.

I sometimes think we will end up painting our walls white as UK warming continues, but our gardens? Maybe minimalist; put everthing delicate in pots that can be easily watered and moved to the shade.

I like the idea of seeing things through your daughter's eyes; that could be developed more. How does she sleep - do you have air-con or a noisy fan? Has she a favourite flower? Never been to Zambia, but I lived in Nigeria for a while but the hottest hot for me was Kuwait - as hot as a sauna, when one of the electricity generators failed, no one turned up for work.

Our pots and hanging baskets have only dead plants as a result of the hose ban here (or did we unlearn the use of the watering can?). Time to restock with air plants maybe....

Brian




NinaLara at 09:22 on 24 July 2006  Report this post
Thanks Tina and Brian -

I was having similar ideas to you Tina! I think this is two poems that have somehow found themselves in the same place. I think I need to cut out the ramblings Med and concentrate on Africa. I think the world through me daughters eyes may a different poem again, Brian! My Luwinga is in Malawi near Mzuzu. It is very hot here and the garden is baked to a crisp.

James Graham at 18:58 on 25 July 2006  Report this post
You had version 2 posted before I could stir myself in this heat to comment on version 1! Anyway I can see at a glance that your revision is better - the African State section is clearer, there's the beautiful new phrase 'star eclair', and the ending is much better. The title, though? Maybe the poem's not really about 'words for hot', but 'The Hot Life'...? Mmmm...

Pity to lose the flowers that can't be bothered, but I see that you wanted to bring the allotment in from the start.

This is a pretty good follow-up to your ghost poem, on a very different subject but written with the same exuberance. No sections all the same length this time, but light, free-flowing verse that suits the mood of the poem. I especially enjoyed the African state section, with its barriers and defences and hints of threat. When we come to the tall grasses like pokers, and the arsenals of cider bottles, we're well into the realm of the conceit - that sort of deliberately far-fetched comparison that draws attention to itself and can be very witty. Tall grasses are like pokers stirring the air, which is a fire...there's a 'stretch of the imagination' - one that's very inventive, and more playful, more extreme than an 'ordinary' metaphor.

James.

NinaLara at 23:55 on 25 July 2006  Report this post
Dear James- I'll recycle the flowers and the old title (and think on The Hot Life ... not as satisfying is it?)! I'm off on holiday now for a few days so no doubt I'll have plenty of time to think about hot ....


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