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Darkest Peru
Posted: 16 July 2006
Word Count: 34
Summary: Close to my heart right now!
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Six weeks
in a lifetime
is simply nothing.
A blip
on the print-out
of seventy years.
So why
does this mother
put on a brave smile
and ache
as the tickets
show Machu Picchu?
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Comments by other Members
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 NinaLara at 19:57 on 16 July 2006
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I like this very much Joanie. The first 4 stanzas are wonderful ... and I would almost say enough on there own. Infact, The last 3 verses seem to suggest a whole new poem ... that worried/ paranoid mother voice? I can almost see the shape of the second poem running parallel to the first with the same form of 4 verses and 3 lines.
This is great Joanie - well done.
Nina
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 joanie at 20:01 on 16 July 2006
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Thanks, Nina. I think you could be right about the first four verses! Yes... actually, that's my usual style, I think. I'll think about another one, parallel, as you say!
Thank you.
joanie
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 James Graham at 21:03 on 16 July 2006
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Hi Joanie - It's a first impression, but I agree with Nina. I'm sure the four verses do stand alone - in fact they have a haiku-like, or even epigrammatic, completeness about them. And by themselves the four verses read like an instant reaction, a moment's feeling. Your style expresses that kind of momentary thing very well. So I'm sticking my neck out - use the last three verses as the germ of another poem maybe, but chop them off the end of this one!
James.
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joanie at 17:23 on 17 July 2006
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Thanks, James. I think I need to stop it after the first 4 verses but I'm going to change the title in that case. It does feel too similar to 'When the phone rings at 3am', though, don't you think? Perhaps a series on a similar theme for all those poor souls who think that parenthood stops after the age of 18 or thereabouts!
Thanks again.
joanie
<Added>
No, I've just re-read 'When the phone .....'; it's quite different. Perhaps a series then!
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NinaLara at 17:11 on 19 July 2006
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I like the new title Joanie and think the poem works very well in its new form.
Nina
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James Graham at 18:27 on 20 July 2006
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Spot-on. Do you think you have the beginnings of a series? 'Phone rings at 3am' is another. Would '5pm at the Garrison' fit too? A poem series or sequence can be quite varied, so long as there's a thread. A mixed border rather than a rose-bed, if a gardening analogy makes sense.
James.
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joanie at 11:45 on 21 July 2006
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Thank you James; that makes perfect sense. I like the thought of a mixed border!
joanie
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