Login   Sign Up 



 

The Tearoom

by Katy Kat 

Posted: 11 July 2006
Word Count: 299
Summary: My entry for Nest


Font Size
 


Printable Version
Print Double spaced


"Don't sit around moping when I'm gone", Doris had said.
"Go along to the Nest. Go with Ada Blackley. She's always fancied you - ever since 1939 when she first saw you in your Air Force blue. Oh Yes! She's had her eye on you for many a long year".

Dan had smiled then as he remembered the 48 hour pass they'd both managed to get; Doris from the WAAF and himself from the RAF. He had only had eyes for Doris that day. And every day since.

Then Dan's old eyes had filled with tears, blurring the dear face. "Don't talk daft our Doris! You're going nowhere!" But he had known she was right and a cold hand had wrapped itself around his heart as he had tried to imagine life without her. ACW Doris Hunt she had been when first he saw that beautiful face. She had been his wife, his lover, mother to his five children and his best friend. His life. His world.

He had buried her three weeks ago. He hadn't left the house since that day. Now he thought he heard the familiar voice speaking to him. "Dan! Get yer overcoat on and have a walk to the Nest!"

So here he was standing outside the North Ealing Servicemen's Tearoom. He had never been inside without Doris on his arm. "Well? Here I am our Doris. What now?"

Just then the doors opened. There before him was a big jolly woman with an even bigger smile. She threw her arms around him, drawing him into her ample bosom.

"Danny!", boomed Ada. "What yer doin' standing out there in the cold? Come away in and get warm. Sit there. What can I get yer? Nice cuppa? Buttered scone? Get yer overcoat off!"

Doris smiled...







Favourite this work Favourite This Author


Comments by other Members



Elbowsnitch at 11:46 on 11 July 2006  Report this post
Hi Kate - This is a good story, but the way it's told is a bit confusing - I think perhaps you should root it more firmly in Dan's point of view, since he's the one looking back after Doris has died (it took me a while to grasp this). The paragraph from "But Doris" to "It seemed to Doris", near the beginning, is particularly confusing, as this takes us right away from Dan's POV.

Much better when Dan is remembering things Doris said to him, and then being spoken to by her ghost (she comes across very clearly!).

all the best, Frances

Katy Kat at 12:28 on 11 July 2006  Report this post
Hi Frances

Thanks for reading and your comments. When I re read it I could see it from your perspective. Have rejigged a bit. How does it read now?
Kate

tiger_bright at 12:51 on 11 July 2006  Report this post
Kate, what a heart-warming ending! I loved the way big Ada wrapped Dan up in her embrace. I didn't read the version before you changed the pov but this certainly works as Dan's fond memories of Doris.

Tiger

Katy Kat at 13:02 on 11 July 2006  Report this post
Thanks Tiger

Did a bit of tweaking after I read what Frances had said. Glad you enjoyed it

Best
Kate

Prospero at 13:09 on 11 July 2006  Report this post
Hi Kate

This is a sweet little tale. Poignant without being sentimental. The North Ealing Servicemen's Tearoom. That is a lovely touch. Very well done.

John

Elbowsnitch at 13:12 on 11 July 2006  Report this post
Kate, I think it works really well now!

all the best, Frances

Katy Kat at 13:13 on 11 July 2006  Report this post
Thanks Prosp!
Glad you liked it.
Best
Kat

Katy Kat at 13:14 on 11 July 2006  Report this post
Thanks Frances

Appreciated the help.

Kate



bjlangley at 16:36 on 11 July 2006  Report this post
Hi Katy, that's very sweet, especially Dan's memories. Liked this: "a cold hand had wrapped itself around his heart as he had tried to imagine life without her. "

All the best,

Ben

Katy Kat at 08:47 on 12 July 2006  Report this post
Thanks Ben
Glad you liked it
Best
Kate

crowspark at 21:36 on 13 July 2006  Report this post
Hi Kate

Lovely piece, very touching. I agree with Ben about

a cold hand had wrapped itself around his heart as he had tried to imagine life without her.


Great use of the challenge.

Bill

Katy Kat at 07:30 on 14 July 2006  Report this post
Thanks Bill
Best
Kate

choille at 12:10 on 15 July 2006  Report this post
Hi Katy,

Lovely rounded tale without being maudlin.

Come away in and get warm.
- Great dialogue.

Nice story Katy, great use of the prompt.

All the best
Caroline.

Anj at 13:38 on 15 July 2006  Report this post
Kate

I love the way you intertwine the histories and futures of three people in such a short piece. Lovely story and a wonderful final line.

Andrea

Katy Kat at 12:13 on 18 July 2006  Report this post
Thanks Caroline and Andrea!
Glad you enjoyed
Best wishes
Kate


To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .