Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad that we overthrew the evil Empire, but I’m beginning to think that maybe Dad had a point. They’ve reformed the senate, and boy, democracy in the modern age stinks! You’d think, what with all the destruction going on in the last few years they’d be focussed on rebuilding the worst hit planets, restoring trade routes and the like, but no, it’s all gone PC. Apparently after years of oppression we all need our ‘roles in this new society reassessed’ and ‘the old labels are a sign of the old regime!’ I mean, what better way is there to explain the Wookiees for the Ewoks, the big hairy ones versus the little hairy ones. But no, not anymore. Wookiees are now the follicularly crowded vertically liberated, and Ewoks are follicularly crowded vertically challenged. Jabba the Hut wasn’t a big fat evil slug with a taste for women, he had an alternate body image and was sexually and socially dysfunctional.

It’s disgraceful, I can’t go back to Tatooine for fear of running into the Tuskan Raiders. Not because I have any fear of them, but because I can’t remember if they’re socially impaired or communally handicapped. And do they engage in Intra-species dining, or do they stick to a non-animal diet only?

I’d seriously consider turning to the Dark Side if they hadn’t renamed it the Light-deficient alternative. I can’t see an uprising of Light-Deficient Alternative Level 1 Seniors of the Sith, they’d be a laughing stock.

I wish Yoda was here. I know what he’d say. “Gone Mad, PC, it is!”

Yours,

Luke Skywalker