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Haiku - Resigned Despair
Posted: 30 August 2003
Word Count: 12
Summary: Inspired by a little banter with David - cheers for the inspiration, matey!
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Metal blur whips eyes,
screaming and spewing sparks. Wait:
Resigned despair.
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Comments by other Members
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 Account Closed at 17:16 on 30 August 2003
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Lisa - ooh, wonderfully harsh - love the sound of this, and the use of a space in the middle before the last line is inspired!
Anne B
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peterxbrown at 01:15 on 31 August 2003
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I agree with the above, a wonderfully violent image and real despair. I hope there will be further banter and lots more spark spewing as a result.
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Adam at 02:21 on 31 August 2003
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Lisa,
Another interesting offering. I like the sense of diminishment, of entropy, in the poem as it dwindles to 'resigned despair'. Also the disjointed staccato of the poem is highly effective and heightens the drive, or lack thereof, of the haiku. The injection of a silent line, or gap, is a clever subversion of the haiku tradition, and works really well. In fact, it has the feeling of something being silently understood between the lines.
All in all, well done!
Adam x
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Lisa at 14:24 on 31 August 2003
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Cheers Adam - wasn't sure if the gap would work or whether it would seem to get in the way. Glad it does seem to be working, though!
Lisa
:)
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