SUMMER EVENING HAIKU II by Beanie Baby

WriteWords

SUMMER EVENING HAIKU II

by Beanie Baby

Posted: 28 June 2006
Word Count: 88
Summary: Little challenge I set myself - sit down at Writewords and write six haiku there and then. What do you think?

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Haiku #1

as evening begins
a solitary swift dips
bidding me goodnight

Haiku #2

telephone wires
spreading out
like the ribbons on a
rustic maypole

Haiku #3

pale curtains carress
a pastel sky - but even
the clouds must relax

Haiku #4

the cat stretches out
to greet me when she comes in
ouch - her claws pierce me

Haiku #5

the day falls asleep
and the night awakens all
round my humble home

Haiku # 6

tomorrow's
a new beginning
for each and every one of us

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Comments by other Members

Account Closed at 12:07 on 30 June 2006 Report this post

Love the movement from evening to night in this - very elegant. In the second one, what about:

telephone wires
spreading out like ribbons
on a rustic maypole

?? Just a thought. I particularly enjoyed the first one, and also the comic one about your cat - great!

A
xxx

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smudger at 22:03 on 04 August 2006 Report this post

Very evocative of summer evenings and impressive. I think you passed the challenge.

I liked the first three very much. Especially

as evening begins
a solitary swift dips
bidding me goodnight

and
telephone wires
spreading out
like the ribbons on a
rustic maypole

In the cat haiku I was not so taken with

ouch - her claws pierce me

. It seemed more prosaic than the other lines. But I could never do what you did and just write six haiku straight off, so who am I to carp?

Excellent.

Tony

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joanie at 15:19 on 26 August 2006 Report this post

Hi Beanie. I'm late, I know, but I do like these, especially the progression through the evening. Unlike Tony, I enjoyed the surprise of 'ouch'; it did fulfil the Haiku criterion of a 'moment', if you know what I mean!! I love the positive note at the end - very comforting yet thought-provoking!

typo: caress?

Very enjoyable.

joanie

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