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Sexual Content - please be aware if easily offended

by neo 

Posted: 27 June 2006
Word Count: 585
Summary: Thanks for taking the time to read. This is the opening to my novel which I recently posted on another site who kicked it off for being sexually explicit. I may be naive, but I didn't consider it so. My intention is not to offend anyone, so if you're easily offended, thanks for looking but go no further. I have had two reviews, both by site moderators on another site - one said great, the other said dull!


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Content Warning
This piece and/or subsequent comments may contain strong language.


Early in the evening of her eighth wedding anniversary, Lucie Hammond returned home to cook a special dinner for her husband and instead found him burying his cock inside his pretty, young secretary.
In their marital bed.
She stood at the open door to their delicately and decorated lilac bedroom, her arms still laden with shopping bags, and watched for an eternity before the rutting pair even realised they had an audience.
Painfully, she took in every detail. The sight of her husbandís broad shoulders and muscular tanned back, his tight bottom bobbing furiously up and down. The girlís long, slender legs wrapped around his waist, their owner obscured by his body except for a fan of golden hair spreading over Lucieís own pillow. She even noticed the red spot right in the middle of his left buttock.
The sounds of their betrayal filled her ears in awful, detailed stereo. His heavy breathing matching the rhythm of her breathless, tiny moans. The mattress, heavy and expensive, bought especially to help his bad back, shunting noisily back and forth on the cast iron bed frame and the slap of their bellies in a riotous, filthy applause.
The air smelt faintly of cod.
Lucie's jaw dropped open and a low sound escaped her.
"Umph"
It was the sound an old worn out pillow might make when punched really hard in its tired gut.
Martin Hammond turned his dark, sleekly cut head around.
"What the fuck are you doing home?" he snarled. Beads of perspiration slid down on his forehead, his backside still pumping.
Lucie caught sight of the girl lying beneath him, the gril with her head on Lucie's lilac pillow. It was Carla, his latest secretary. Young, probably twenty-one or two, so ten years Lucieís junior, blonde and pretty with large, springy breasts that were still pointing miraculously skywards even though she was lying on her back.
Very much his type. No surprises there then.
The girl opened her eyes and saw her lover's wife standing not six foot from their entwined, naked bodies. Her blue eyes opened really wide, her arms clasped around Martinís back and her perfect legs dropped down stiffly onto the bed. She looked petrified.
Still Martin continued ramming himself into her rigid body, his movements becoming more frantic as he chased his orgasm to its final shuddering conclusion.
"I'm sorry," Lucie mumbled, backing out of the bedroom door and shutting it firmly behind her.
She leaned against the wall outside the door, put the shopping bags down and took several deep, ragged breaths. After a few seconds, she could hear mumbled voices from within the bedroom. One high pitched, the girl, questioning, panicking; the other, deep, her husband, reassuring, calming, cajoling.
Then the bed began to creak and groan again.
Ridiculously, Magnus Magnusson on Mastermind popped into Lucie's head, "I've started, so I'll finish."
Stifling a sob, she fled down the corridor and into the kitchen, quietly closing the door behind her.
Suddenly, the lemongrass scented air in the meticulously clean and tidy kitchen seemed too thick. The colours, muted oaks and sea greens, chosen from Dulexís calming range, screamed at her and the blonde beige of the marble floor seemed yellow and grotesquely garish. Her heart raced, her breath coming faster and faster, far too big for her tight, panicky chest. She sank to the floor at the far end of her kitchen behind her new breakfast bar, dropping bags and scattering groceries, opened her mouth wide and silently screamed.






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Comments by other Members



Anna Reynolds at 08:47 on 28 June 2006  Report this post
Hi neo, I don't consider this to be particularly explicit and certainly not gratuitously so. Liked some of the surpising lines; 'The air smelt faintly of cod.' and.. 'The colours....chosen from Dulux's calming range' made me laugh, but there's a nice balance of pathos and humour, particularly when the dreadful rutting husband 'finishes what he starts.' Nice touch, that. I'm curious to know where this goes next- it's a jawdropping opening, and the detail is good- the spot on his buttock etc, exactly the reaction of a shocked cuckold. They've only been married eight years and she's about to make a nice dinner- yet the husband's reaction to her discovering him is so extremely nasty, I wonder what next? Be nice to see a longer extract, but I'm quite hooked.

Nik Perring at 09:15 on 28 June 2006  Report this post
Hi Neo,

I agree with Anna, this is a strong opening and not too explicit at all. I too would like to see a longer extract because as good as this is and as much as I feel drawn in by I don't think it feels quite complete. I know you've said that this is the opening of your novel, rather than the opening chapter, but I'd like to see it end on more a what happens next note. At the moment it feels a bit too self-contained.

Great stuff.

Nik.

Account Closed at 17:39 on 28 June 2006  Report this post
Gripping stuff which involved the reader - God, what a repellent bastard! You know you've done your job when you get a reaction like that from your reader!

I loved the small details which dented the husband's image as some lothario - the spot on his bottom - his bad back - comments which reek of the familiarity of marriage.

Felt sympathy for his wife but disappointed by her feeble reaction to this toad - intrigued to read on and see if she seeks her revenge.

I didn't find this too explicit, either, but would be interested to see how it continued, without the sex.

sammy

neo at 22:57 on 30 June 2006  Report this post
Thanks for your comments, folks. I've taken ages to reply because I thought I'd get confirmation emails when I received a comment, so assumed no one had written! It's late now and I'm shattered, but I will certainly post the rest of the chapter tomorrow...


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