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Lost and found
Posted: 12 June 2006
Word Count: 84
Summary: A Reunion
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That arch of brow; I kiss the space
Between those orbs of permanent surprise
Half forgotten sighs
And thighs and shrieks and cries
Flutter off the downy under wing of yesterdreams
I still remember
Even though her hands have made you soft
Mine make you hard
Her whisperings have knit you strong and brave
Mine will undo you
She gave you sons and warmth , a home
And all her life she’s built you
For this moment when I claim back
What is mine
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Comments by other Members
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 Laura Hunt at 12:47 on 12 June 2006
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OOOOOh. Very possessive and bunny boilerish.
| ......Flutter off the downy under wing of yesterdreams |
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This is a very evocative phrase.
Even though her hands have made you soft
Mine make you hard
Her whisperings have knit you strong and brave
Mine will undo you |
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I'm not sure about the overall stanza, even though the last two lines sound great and employ a very effective metaphor. Although I can see why you might want to keep the sexual potency of the first two lines I feel they let down the following two.
Hope she's not around my husband!
Sylvia
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 Mr B. at 13:35 on 12 June 2006
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Smouldering!
The second stanza was my favourite, simply for the rhyme and rhythm within it and I loved 'yesterdreams'.
Nice one!
A
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Dele Campbell at 21:44 on 12 June 2006
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Thank you Sylvia
I rather like the theme of predation/women and everything involved with the question of who chooses whom in the everlasting battle of the sexes, so I needed her voice to be as clear and definate as possible, to highlight especially that 'he' would appear to be a pawn in a game between two women, part of a one-up-womanship game.
Also the 'hard' perhaps not so much potent as suffering, because by 'undoing' him in the next breath, she is dismembering ( I had a picture of a vulture picking the bones of a carcass at that moment!)
Yes, I hope she's not after my husband either!
Dele
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Dele Campbell at 21:51 on 12 June 2006
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Thank you Mr B
I'm glad you enjoyed it.
It was written at a fairly confusing time, but 'smouldering' just about says it all!
And correcting what I said to Sylvia, not vultures picking the bones but eviscerating a carcass, hence the 'knit' and 'undo'
Dele
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