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The Local
Posted: 11 June 2006
Word Count: 99
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When we had nothing at home
but a beanbag,
The Farm
was our front room.
Tables polished thick and
velvet stools
settled round
bottle bottom windows.
The juke box hummed gently
with hop burr and smoke curls,
while we talked poetry,
laughing darkly at
our heavy minds.
We never imagined the rosy future
neither of us wanted.
All our sparkle
rose with the bubbles of
our brassy pints
at a little brown table.
Tobacco was
comfort in a soft foil packet.
Musky putty,
coiled to a moist lollipop stick,
just loose enough to draw well
but hold together
perfectly.
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Comments by other Members
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 Elsie at 10:57 on 11 June 2006
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This is so very atmospheric - I especiallly like the moist putty tobacco, comfort in a soft foil packet. You've summoned up a whole era, a time and place, very concisely. It seems like there's not a word out of place. Like the roll up - it holds together perfectly.
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 joanie at 17:43 on 11 June 2006
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Nina, I love it! 'the rosy future/neither of us wanted.' is so poignant.
'hold together/perfectly.', although it's about the roll-up , sums up that gorgeous time when all that matters is the present and materialism hadn't reared its ugly head.
The images are so evocative; it's lovely.
joanie
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 James Graham at 10:38 on 12 June 2006
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Hi Nina - This is familiar. Sometimes you come across a poem that instantly registers with you because it's true to your own experience. That's how this poem struck me. Not a pub setting in my case (that came later) but the student refectory at university where my fiancee and I regularly sat all afternoon 'laughing darkly at our heavy minds'. It's also true that 'We never imagined the rosy future neither of us wanted'. There must be many other people who can say 'Ditto' to these lines, read the poem just once and immediately say 'That's my experience too'.
As for the language and craft of this poem, I would say it's fully realised and ready to appear in print if you could find an editor who could say 'Ditto' to it. Just to mention some of the basics that add up to a good poem. It's retrospective; it draws together past experience. It's not the kind of poem that conveys 'fresh' emotions or responses to something very immediate or recent - and so it has a more formal structure, of two equal stanzas each of which feels rhythmically complete. Its free verse is very controlled. The two stanzas have different emphases - the first conveys the setting, in some detail because this is a significant setting; and the second makes its significance clear. (More on this to follow.) These are just the nuts and bolts of poetry, but they're worth commenting on because they are what make a poem work. Your free verse form seems to me perfectly appropriate to the poem's content.
The way you use objects to suggest things about the relationship is very telling. The 'sparkle' that rises with the bubbles in the pints is a simpler example, but the roll-ups at the end are more profound. This is partly due to the brilliant line 'Musky putty' which works beautifully on the level of sound and imagery as well as underlying meaning. Following that, you produce another image that works on two levels, literal and symbolic: it's true to the cigarette and to the relationship at the same time. You describe the tobacco and the cigarette in a wry, observant way; as for the relationship, the idea of two people 'just loose enough to draw well/ but hold together/ perfectly' resonates with me (and I'm sure with many others) like a bass fiddle.
James.
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 NinaLara at 16:58 on 12 June 2006
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Thankyou everyone for your overwhelming positivity about this poem! It was one of those that just came out and only needed a couple of rewrites to get there. I was worried that it may be too simple, too unremarkable, to be enjoyable. I'm really glad that it worked for you all. James - thank you for noticing the similarity between roll up and relationship! Again, I was worried i had said too little.
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Paul Isthmus at 13:20 on 15 June 2006
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Nina, I can't add much more but I am commenting just to reiterate and also to say how much the line
We never imagined the rosy future
neither of us wanted.
got to me. It places me back to that time and emotional state so well, and the picture of the world that emanates from it (the line and the emotion) is so tiny, so universal, so powerful and so true.
Feckin good.
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