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Here is my Dilemma

by Esther Frances 

Posted: 09 June 2006
Word Count: 471
Summary: We all have one.....


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Iím 43 now
44 to be in June as Cancer dictates I have to be
I have 2 children
5 and 12 years old Ė the answer to most strangersí questions
as numerology dictates Ė yes..... girls

But here is my dilemma

Iím 43 now
In the process of rejecting my last 15 marital years
I have many (2023 to be exact) failings
And there isnít enough time or space to elaborate
according to the record

But here is my dilemma

Iím 43 now
Spent 17 years in academia trying to prove MY worth
yet I have little to be measured by
and there isnít enough time to make up for that loss
Limited knowledge accrued is less

But here is my dilemma

Iím 43 now
Have used up 1 whole lifetime getting to know the evasive me
with very little progress
and now I only have 37 years left
according to the average

But here is my dilemma

Iím 43 now
My butt looks 10 years younger and my face maybe 5 at a push
but my heart is heavy (like 10lbs)
and I only have enough money for 1 facelift
and a little scrape of liposuction

But here is my dilemma

Iím 43 now
Iím good for my age rather than ďtottieĒ and proud of it
but the lines in my brow (4 in all Ė I have counted) tell tales
of when I was worried or hurt or just plain sad
Life takes its ironic toll

But here is my dilemma

Iím 43 now
My home is the perfect escape, decked out in Ďneutralí colours (no numbers necessary)
Lights up like the star ship bloody enterprise
yet inside I am hollow (0) and with no single (1) sense of fashion
and I have no idea (0) where to head from here

But here is my dilemma

Iím 43 now
I am successful in a relative sense (Einstein) at least compared to dead drug addicts (numerous)
I am important and terribly clever to the nth degree (on good authority)
yet the more I know, the more I know I donít know
and I have no compulsion to be a more acid test

So here is my dilemma

Iím 43 now
I have loved, and lost, and found, and developed in a personal sense
Physically, sexually, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually (5 ways)
And in all the other ALLYs I can think of
Apart from these - I am virtually (ALLY again) out of ideas (0) that would make any sense

So here is my real dilemma

Iím 43 now
and next year Iíll be 44
and the anticipation of the challenges
is not something you can count
Well not on one hand (5)
and never for certain

So what is the REAL dilemma
The real dilemma is

ÖÖ.the challenge of NUMBERS


















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