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Beautiful Rose

by hailfabio 

Posted: 08 June 2006
Word Count: 151
Summary: For Rosalynd


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She is my saviour.
My mentor, and therefore,
no miss-behaviour.
Though, I should savour her
more than I do.
I know I would pay for her
wherever we go.

Whether it be a restaurant
or motorway café.
A Welcome Break mêlée
to a Road Chef half way – the ‘open-air’ kind.
There’s always time to find,
but I don’t mind
finding it with her.

I’ll be in her debt
forever more.
But she doesn’t expect
anymore.
The weaker might have sidestepped,
she chose to adore.

When I cry,
she evaporates my tears
and absorbs my fears.
No sacrifice too great
over the years.
Yet she blunders on
absently unawares,
of what she bears.

She shrinks my insecurities
with all her purities.
When I shirk my duties
she’ll set me straight.
Lighting my soul
and leading my role
in life,
my spirit flowers because of her.

My roots. My petals.

My rose.






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Comments by other Members



joanie at 14:22 on 09 June 2006  Report this post
Hi Stephen. The sentiments in this are beautiful. I like the rhymes. I hesitated over 'Yet she plunders on/absently unawares,/of what she bares'. Should it be 'unaware'? ..in which case, 'bares' wouldn't do if you're wanting to rhyme. However, I did wonder what you were getting at with 'bares'; I was a bit confused.

When I initially read the third line: no miss-behaviour, I thought it was a play on words, like Miss so-and-so, but now I am wondering if that's what you meant, or if it's simply misbehaviour(?)

The last lines are really lovely and I like the spacing of the last one - a final summing up of all that's gone before.

Nice one.

joanie


typo: my spirit flowers



Ambitions of Lisa at 19:01 on 09 June 2006  Report this post
This is great Stephen...
I know who you've written about... and I bet she's so proud of you. Have you shown her?
L

NinaLara at 10:12 on 11 June 2006  Report this post
I love the first two verses - I think they are have a freshness about them . I read the miss-behaviour as the play on words that Joanie describes. The rest of the poem was a little sentimental for me ... but that is my own problem!

James Graham at 13:33 on 11 June 2006  Report this post
Well, it is a bit sentimental - but it's surely allowed for once, considering the subject. Anyway, there are down-to-earth lines which counteract it, especially 'I know I would pay for her/ wherever we go' - a Road Chef or a Welcome Break. Nothing sentimental about that, and this little touch especially holds sentimentality at bay. 'Lighting my soul' and one or two other expressions seem a bit starry-eyed, but for me the poem as a whole conveys genuine feeling - including humour as in 'miss-behaviour', and

She shrinks my insecurities
with all her purities


- I don't know if you meant there to be wry humour in this, but that's how it comes across.

Those three lines that are a little obscure...should they read

Yet she blunders on,
absently unawares
of what she bears.
?

James.

hailfabio at 18:28 on 11 June 2006  Report this post
Thanks all, very nice feedback.

For those who haven't guessed, this is a poem for my mother - Rosalynd - I knock it up quite quickly as its for her birthday.

So the sentiment is geniune but I didn't want it to be too gushy.

The miss-behaviour was an attempt at a play on words that seems to have worked.

I hadn't indended - insecurity/purities - as humour but can see how it is, and am glad of this discovery, thanks james.

And blunders/bears is what I meant.

Stephen

joanie at 19:30 on 11 June 2006  Report this post
Stephen, let us know her reaction! Delighted, I'm sure!

joanie

hailfabio at 12:52 on 15 June 2006  Report this post
She loved it, it made her cry..........awww

I'm thinking of getting it framed for her.

Just to make sure, 'plunders' or 'blunders'?

Stephen

NinaLara at 12:57 on 15 June 2006  Report this post
Blunders, I think. Plunders is too violent an image for her. Lumbers, possibly?

joanie at 17:38 on 15 June 2006  Report this post
Glad it made her cry - that's good! I once wrote one for my daughter which made her cry too.

joanie

James Graham at 18:29 on 16 June 2006  Report this post
You should definitely have it framed - printed in a classy font, and put into a really smart frame.

James.

joanie at 18:37 on 16 June 2006  Report this post
James; funny you should say that. I wrote a poem for my son and his wife, which I sent to them. It didn't attract much attention on WW but my daughter-in-law was so moved that she had it professionally written out and framed. Now it has pride of place in their home.

That's what it's all about, I think. hitting the spot, wherever it's needed!

Joan

hailfabio at 17:37 on 17 June 2006  Report this post
Is there any company online that could frame it for me?


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