|
|
 |
Why?
Posted: 02 June 2006
Word Count: 59
Summary: This could be a load of crap - not really sure if it works at all. Let me have both barrels!
|
Font Size
|
|
WHY?
I
silently cry
inner thoughts turmoil
tears burning bloodshot eyes
hot breath searing frozen skin
eyes covered tight blocking intrusive light
abstruse quiet, protecting, hiding, subverting shattered dreams
satisfied weight disengaged, vain, hateful nothings mouthed
teddy-bear gift, coupled guilty secret assuaged
alone - bile infected skirts replaced
eyes wide tears wiped
smile in place
silently cry
I
WHY?
|
Comments by other Members
| |
 Prospero at 13:02 on 02 June 2006
 Report this post
|
If I am interpreting this correctly, this is sexual abuse from the child's point of view.
Just a couple of picks
Breathe? should it be 'breath'
'bile infected skirts replaced'
I don't understand 'bile' in this sense
I would make the silent at the end silently, for the symmetry.
Otherwise, I think it works extremely well.
Well done
John
| |
 Bandy Bundy at 13:26 on 02 June 2006
Report this post
|
Thanks for the pointers john - changed.
bile infected skirts replaced - she's been sick and had to get changed, and yes your interpretation is correct (a la It's my party).
Hard thing to write about?
Kev.
| |
rosiedlm at 17:10 on 03 June 2006
Report this post
|
My challenges seem to inspire people to write about some of the terrible things that can happen to children. If I ever have to set one again I think it's going to have to have some kind of comic bent!
"Abstruse" is a good word to describe this piece - "hard to understand"...the actions of the adult, and "profound".
I have read this several times and it got better each time.
Well done,
Rosie
| |
Prospero at 04:48 on 04 June 2006
Report this post
|
| I have read this several times and it got better each time |
|
Got to agree with you there Rosie!
But I don't agree that your Challenges inspire stories of child abuse. It is just the way that we approach the prompt.
Best
John
| |
rosiedlm at 07:52 on 05 June 2006
Report this post
|
| But I don't agree that your Challenges inspire stories of child abuse. It is just the way that we approach the prompt. |
|
Yeah, I know... :)
Best
Rosie
| |
Bandy Bundy at 08:07 on 05 June 2006
Report this post
|
Thanks Rosie,
For some reason I associated a secret with something bad - must have been in a mood when I wrote this - instead of something lighthearted and fanciful (which it could have been).
I do however think that abuse (in whatever form) shouldn't be swept under the carpet and the more that it's discussed and 'in the open' the better chance we have of helping the innocents and putting the perps away, for a very long time!!
Kev.
| |
DomSanchez at 15:53 on 12 February 2007
Report this post
|
I think, as is the case with most poetry, that the point is the feel, and the images it conjures up.
Great work.
| |
| |
Comments by other Members
