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Untitled

by Mr B. 

Posted: 02 June 2006
Word Count: 119
Summary: I thought I'd have a pop at those England flags on cars. It's written as a sonnet - a form I've not written in for a very long time. This makes it sound more pretentious than I would have liked, but it was fun to work within a structure.


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If George came back and saw what we had done,
The way we used his colours for a game
And mounted them upon our cars for fun
Or taunted our opponents with his name,
I wonder, would he smile and laugh out loud,
Or would he say that we had lost our way
And that we had demeaned this emblem proud
To glorify this thing, a game, we play.
If I could see beyond the little flags
Perhaps I'd put the angst I feel to rest.
But everywhere it's there, on shirts and bags,
The pride of England stuck on someone's chest.
St George, I think, would see the funny side,
But can't we show some dignity with pride?






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Comments by other Members



Keight at 09:35 on 02 June 2006  Report this post
I know I've only been here five minutes but I've read an awful lot of your work now and I think this lets you down a bit, I know its not a serious piece I just think even in this form you may have done better, it just feels a little complacent to me. I really dont mean any offence.

Mr B. at 12:11 on 02 June 2006  Report this post
Kate,

none taken - I appreciate the honestly. Where do you feel the areas of weakness lie? Any ideas for improvement would be useful.

Cheers,

Anthony

paul53 [for I am he] at 14:13 on 02 June 2006  Report this post
Nice use of the sonnet form for a modern problem [collective insanity?]. Against, I am getting Pam Rhodes, but in the best possible sense. Like the lyrics of - say - Victoria Wood, it looks so easy that most say "oh, I could do that"... only to find the apparent ease is a cruel deception and it is in fact extremely difficult to carry of well.

joanie at 15:25 on 02 June 2006  Report this post
Hi Anthony. I am a sucker for sonnets; I love it. I do think, however, that it has to be read aloud in a careful, sober manner, making no apologies for the language: we had demeaned this emblem proud, mounted them upon our cars, etc.

Read seriously, with a straight facce, I think the humour becomes even more enjoyable.

Good one.

joanie

Laura Hunt at 15:59 on 02 June 2006  Report this post
If I was listening to this publicly I'd have one of those 'Oh my God, is this meant to be funny or not' moments of complete discomfort! It works well within the given structure, though, sounding comfortable and unforced.

Sylvia


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